Support

I literally just shot up in bed 3 hrs after taking a sleeping pill (how am I awake?) and said the word support.  Maybe I was in a dream thanking my supporters or something, but now I have to blog. There's no way I'll fall back asleep til I do. It's now 1:19am I'm typing with my left hand as my right is propping up my head since I'm doing this all while laying in bed on my right hip in the dark. Really...it's comfy!

Supporters come in so many forms.  I learned from cancer authour Kris Carr to have a posse.  Your go to team & I've got that but I've also got other supporters and every day I'm blown away by what you do to support me.  

Just yesterday Cindy, a gal I knew when I lived in Calgary years ago, posted on my Facebook wall that she ran for me at The Terry Fox Run.  I was floored. Cindy & I out of no fault of just losing time haven't seen or spoken in years. I don't know her phone number but she ran for me. Extremely touching & shows that social media keeps friendships alive. If not for FB she might never have known I was sick but the big message is she ran for me.  She supports me.  We're friends who care. Unbelievable. 

These last 4 days of rehab have been awful.  In the beginning of treatment you say or think "I got this" , I'm a fighter", "cancer ain't got nothing on me" or "fuck you cancer". All very true statements that help you stay positive until the end of your treatments but then they're gone. Just seeing my chemo and radiation teams daily kept me upbeat.  Now they're a memory. 

My 5 weeks were up Monday & now I'm home to rehab.  No more nurses or techies to run a question by.  No more talking to the lady who's always before or after you.  It just stops.  Now I'm my own advocate.  How do I know I'm healing properly before my 5 week follow up?  This was unsettling to me so my mother made a call to the clinic.  I'm not just being "pushed" away.  I can call the nurse & she'll see me anytime and evaluate me.  Such a relief.  They still care but they didn't tell me that at the end of my 5 weeks. The doctors did say call if you need anything but otherwise see you November for check up.  Instead I cried to my mom I felt abandoned and she made sure I wasn't. How much of a supporter is that!

I have 130 people's names I've written down that have somehow supported me in my cancer journey.  Each of these people have done different things from a card in the mail wishing me & my first tattoo well (have to wait to heal before I can get it so 2015), coming to spend the day laying in bed with me, sending me an email from across the globe, a beautiful picture from Queenstown with my hashtag and just being a friend.  I'm not an easy friend right now.  A visit with me is like a visit with a newborn who does little except I talk & am larger in size.   You know what I mean...I'm no fun but I'm getting there because of my supporters.  

Thank you so much for your support.  When I'm struggling or crying I just think of you & the lovely gestures you've shown me and it makes me feel better.  I know friendships take years to form but through this I see how many great friendships I made.  Really special and when this is over I will do my best to 
thank you all personally.  

Please keep the support coming because these next couple of weeks are big for me.  I'm pretty much on bed rest rehabing my radiation owies.  It will get better but until then I push through.

#carly2conquercancer

XOXO

C