Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Movin' & groovin'

When I was first diagnosed they sat me in a room and laid out my cancer future.  My future was surgery, treatment, healing and surgery. I told myself to take it one step at a time and not to google anything.  All Google did was freak me out more than a Haunted House at Halloween.  I'm now at the healing stage which is going fairly well but I find myself reflecting on what I've gone through and what's to come.

I almost find this stage the most difficult.  Each stage has been hard in its own way but right now I'm in limbo.  I have no direct pain or crazy medications, just healing.  My body is recovering from the treatment and tricking me that I'm all better & soon I'll be physically strong enough to undergo surgery to remove big kahuna. What comes with the removal of the tumour is TBD.  This scares me more than anything I've been through thus far, the not knowing...the limbo.

In order to keep my mind from going to the dark side, I've been visiting with friends and family as much as I can. I've learned I still can't eat rich meals no matter how tasty they are but I've also adapted well to crowds and noisy spaces.  I'm excited to announce I attended a Canucks game with little struggle....or big struggle if you consider my not being able to finish a beer!

I meet with my surgeon November 5th for a healing evaluation and hopefully learn my surgery date as well.  I'm nervous. I'm scared. I'm anxious. I know I'll get through whatever is coming my way but I secretly wish this was all over.  Some days.....some moments....I'm just done. 

Today's big news was laundry and game 7 of the World Series. I was rooting for the Royals but happy for the Giants and their 3rd championship in 5 years. They're on their way to creating a dynasty and give me faith that you don't always win until the last at bat.  I'm a decent batter. 




Wednesday, October 22, 2014

5 Alive

Week 5 post treatment is here and it feels like I just started this crazy journey.  People say "wow time is flying by.." and they're right but at the same time it's all slow and continuous to me.  Over the last 9 months I've been in pain, diagnosed, surgery, chemo & radiation and now healing from all that.  Once I'm healed it's surgery time then more healing.  When you look at it this time is not flying by but it is passing by and going in the right direction.

I've adjusted well to being back home and my cats have too which shows from all the cat hair on me from snuggles!  I've had some mini outings and had no anxiety or panic attacks which is a huge relief.  Most days I find myself tired so stay in my pjs and watch The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon.  I had 28 episodes on my PVR and now down to 11....I'll watch every episode!  That man cracks me up.  If you aren't watching or taping the show every night you should start. 

With today's terrible events in Ottawa, I hold my life even more close.  A family lost a son & father, a country felt terror and we all took a gasp we never saw coming.  This thing called life won't show us the future like movies do, instead we have to take what's given, roll with it and win.  Evil comes in many forms be it cancer or terror, it is up to us to come out stronger with lessons for the next challenge.  This is the only way I can think to get through the hard times...Geesh I'm getting soft in my old age!

Looking forward to some more outings this week especially Sunday as I'm hosting my girls for tea and treats.  My BFFS have been so amazing through this all, so why not a tea party to celebrate friendship and life.  I'll start inviting myself over to your homes for dinners to see thank you....or to avoid cooking for myself?




Friday, October 17, 2014


It's been an eventful week.  My 4th week post treatment is almost over & I'm feeling stronger every day. Since I'm feeling better I can do more, just little things, but it's a nice change from being in bed morning to night.  I've got my hair cut and a French manicure to my newly grown nails.

I've been hanging out at my apt with some happy cats.  Simba hasn't been 1 foot away from me since I came home and Nalla I think is mad at me so ignoring me mostly, but warming up each day to having me back around.

Last night was my aunts 75th birthday party and I was able to attend.  We held the party at Marine Drive Golf Course as my mom is a member/president so we had a lovely room for the family.  The food was good and auntie Marilyn had such a nice time with family and friends around her.  

While at the club I got to meet some of my golf groupies. I don't golf but these ladies know my mom and have been following this blog.  A table full of ladies having dinner and enjoying each other's company. It made me think of my girls and how much I love doing that exact thing with them.  When I approached the table they cheered me and said I was an inspiration.  I will admit the cheers were nice but I don't feel I am in any way an inspiration.  I'm just a cancer patient fighting her battle as so many other people do.

I'll be sleeping solo in my apt tonight.  This will be the first time since I started treatment that I'll have slept in my own bed.  I feel ready but still a little nervous about not having someone else around.  Once I get my first night alone under my belt all will settle in to routine.   Wish me luck!

We shall see what the weekend brings.  Each day I wake up and figure it out.  My PVR is still full of shows to watch so I've always got a date with PVR if all else fails.  




Monday, October 13, 2014


I looked up the word thanksgiving on Wikipedia and here's what I got.  
-"..a day of giving thanks for the blessing and harvest of the preceding year". In 1578 Canada Martin Frobisher who was trying to find a northern passage to the Pacific Ocean, held a thanksgiving celebration for surviving the long journey from England, not the harvest.
Blessings, harvests and journeys are thanksgiving and I think we can all relate.

Tonight we were at my parents and I just sat back and watched the action.  The kids running around or telling a cool story, my brother laughing so loud you can hear him next door, my cousin and his wife, my mom & dad...just everything.  It was fun and I know how lucky I am even going through this cancer battle.  I missed having uncle B and KA at the table to complete the Allen clan but we reached out in email. 

My journey changes each day and tomorrow is no exception.  I'm getting my car aka snowflake back on the road.  I'm gaining my wings back if you will.  This in no way means I'm back to normal life but it does mean I'm getting a bit of life back.  I'm doing so much better and look forward to seeing my friends more often and spending more time at my apt.  I'll still bounce between my apt and my folks as the company is comforting and mom cooks for me lol. My cats and my PVR will thank me at my place.  I think I have 27 Tonight Shows to catch up on.

I'm also getting my hair done tomorrow.  I've got bangs that are out of control.  I could tease them like we did in '89.  A cut & color is so needed. A selfie will follow once this mission is complete!

I hope everyone had a great thanksgiving wherever you are. Let's just remember we can give thanks all year vs just the one day!




Wednesday, October 8, 2014


Rehab is not a glorious thing.  It's just like on TV when you see the patient have an episode and need more rehab. Over the last few days I've had my own version of episodes.

I'm not going to bother you with my episode details but I can sum it up like this.  Remember the hit TV show Friends?  Rachel and Ross dated and in one episode they broke up.  North American TV viewers couldn't believe it.  Finally on the last episode they get back together and all was well again.  This is pretty much me and my episodes and I just hope to have a Ross in the end...or a Pete..Matthew...heck I'm not picky lol 

Episodes aside, dad has really done well these last few days and I give him lots of credit.  He's got my meal and night routine down and we're also watching the TV show Gotham together.  We like the show but his use of the PVR remote could use some work.  Can't forget baseball (Go Royals), Football and now hockey.  

My aunt Tannis was kind enough to spend the day with me Tuesday.  We chatted for a while and then I headed to rest.  She'd brought stuff to do while I was asleep so worked away on her project.  When I woke up she warmed my lunch (rice & ground chicken I can't eat much).  Although I'm doing better it's just so nice having someone in the house even if I'm just resting. My friends and family have been amazing at filling the slots where mom and dad can't be with me.  Tannis stayed for dinner and right after she left my brother stopped by. A restful day with some love and great faces.

I'm feeling stronger every day. It took 5 weeks of harsh treatment to get here so it'll take nearly that to get back.  This is week 3 and I'm seeing progress each day.  I just never know what I'm up for or if I'm pushing myself too much.  Double edged sword cause you won't know til you try or you suffer the consequences.  Tomorrow my challenge is changing my bed and cleaning the tub.  Small things but big things for me these days.  I will conquer these challenges.  I'm Carly Allen for crying out loud...I get shit done!




Sunday, October 5, 2014

Missing mom

Mom's only been away since Friday, so 3 days & it feels like a week.  Gosh I miss her.  My dad is a great man and loves me very much but he doesn't quite fit the bill!  

If you know my dad, you know he's a softy, he's a great dad and friend but not the best around the house.  He's shown me this more in 3 days than my 39 years of life.  Let the stories begin.......

We decided to have pasta & ground turkey for dinner on Friday and although Amber & I offered to get groceries he was on the case.  I texted him that afternoon saying we needed a sauce for the pasta.  He replied he had one that looks intriguing.  I should have known then we we're in trouble.  Dad arrives home with groceries in hand and with pure excitement shows us the sauce.  It's sauce all sauce!  My hands hit my face and Amber cracks up laughing.  Dad and Amber jumped in the truck back to the grocery store for real pasta sauce and Amber also got some garlic bread.  Amber cooked dinner but with dad chirping away in the living room about how she was cooking it.  All I could do was laugh.  Either that or strangle myself or him!  Apparently when I said sauce it wasn't specific enough, I should have said pasta sauce.  Oh my word lol

While Amber was here dad offered her more leftovers than drinks.  "Would you like a left over patty from lunch today" he said.  I just about fell over.  Or trying to save the pasta noodles in the Tupperware that were 4 days old.  Amber told him that pasta costs next to nothing and to relax.  Total priceless entertaining moments.  

So here we are on day 3 of 10 & I see progress.  He took my shopping list of what I'm able to eat vs his creative side telling me what to eat and just brought me some pasta in bed as I'm typing this blog.  He has hope yet.  But I love him so that's all that matters but he just needs to stick to my cancer routine.  

I had a lovely time with Amber but even though we really didn't do much it was hard for me.  In some ways I feel so good and others so bad.  Unfortunately the bad takes control so I need to get it under control and that takes more time.  More bed rest, staying calm and eating little bits throughout the day.  What I can eat is very limited so it gets boring but I have to stick to it.  It's great I've lost 13lbs but 7 of those were in one week.  The first week after treatment.  I need to stay heathy, whatever that is, during this crazy illness.

I have had a positive come out of this nastiness. Since my diagnosis in July I unknowingly stopped bitting my nails.  Only 2x in the last 5 years have I done this.  When my pops died and now.  So my new obsession is, you guessed it, my nails.  A new colour every few days. Wish I had thought to bring my colours from home as I have many but next time I go there I'll grab them.  I'm using moms but she has mostly pinks.  I kinda feel like painting them black or purple.  Just different than the norm.  A trip to shoppers could be in my future.

Today is Sunday and that means Football.  Think I'll lay on the couch with dad in his chair and we'll talk statistics. We've been watching the baseball too. Some crazy long games. Go Kansas City!  I know more about sports than most men and I credit that to my dad.  Since I was around 5 we went to Canucks and Lions games.  He taught me the plays and to yell "you bums" at the refs.  Anyone who ever comes to a game with me now must love the game. I don't take anyone just for a night out, it's business!

Well Football and nail polish are calling so I better go.  Lots of love to everyone!




Friday, October 3, 2014


It's been a couple days since I've blogged.  I have stories to tell you have no fear, I just didn't get time to write so you could hear!

It's been ten days since my last radiation treatment and they said things have to get worse before they get better.  They sure weren't kidding.  The first 4 days were pure agony.  Then you start to see/feel some improvement. In no way am I ready to jump back in to real life again but I'm feeling so much better.  

My mom had planned a trip with her BFFS a year ago to Napa Valley to celebrate their 65th bdays. Of course my cancer diagnosis put a grey cloud over her trip but since my boost was cancelled and I was rehabing she could still go.  I was happy for her but sad for me at the same time.  We've been together every single day through all this and now I'm going to be without her for 9 whole days!!!!  My dashing and happy go lucky father ensured me he was up to the task to take care of me in moms absence.  The talk we had was quite sweet and it's only day 2 & he's trying his best.  Very cute but he won't serve me breakfast in bed like mom did LOL

Yet again friendship takes the lead as my friend Amber flew in from Calgary yesterday to be with me over the weekend.  Usually when she comes to visit we have way too many shooters, go to The Roxy and do some shopping.  Not this time.  She's come to be with me and my cancer world.  Yesterday I got done up and Amber drove us in to town.  We went to my old watering hole Local at kits beach for a bite and Candice joined us too.  Only problem is I can't eat much so side of fries it was.  The salads, sandwiches and burgers all looked so good but the way I'd feel after reminded me not to order.  I lasted there but that was it.  I have to take it minute by minute and not over do it so we drove back home and chilled out the rest of the day until dad arrived home to make us dinner.

Today we have a pedicure planned and I think this will be great.  My feet need some soothing and it's a mini outing.  The hard part is picking what color I want on my toes for the next while.  Such big decisions I'll face today.  We'll see how I feel after and go from there.  Maybe we come home or maybe we find another mini adventure. 

I look forwarded to feeling even better next week.  I've got a small window between healing and surgery so want to make use of my time.  Once I can drive it'll really change things for me.  Could be next week-fingers crossed.  Be ready for Carly visits once I can drive to keep me busy, out of the house and thanking you for all your support thus far.