Wednesday, November 26, 2014


From the time I was tall enough to get on the rides, my uncle took me to the PNE for my birthday until the age of 16.  I kept all the stuffed animals he won me until my parents sold our family home and was told they either move in with me or go for sale in the garage sale.  I chose the garage sale as I already had 3 roommates and needed no more. I like to think those animals made a little girl happy like they did me.  

One of the many games you'll find at the PNE and other city fairs is whac-a-mole.  If you've ever gone to the PNE or Calgary Stampede with me, you know I always play this game.  I'm not sure if I play because of childhood memories, because it has the best odds or just to whack the crap out of something & it being OK.  I was reminded about this game last week and realized how much it relates to what I'm going through and life in general.  You don't know which hole or when the mole will pop up, but the game is to whac-a-mole.  Some you whac and some you miss.  

19 weeks ago I was told I had cancer.  We know what hurdles I've been thru thus far and I like to think I whacked chemo and radiation although they really whacked me ...I just took the hit hoping for a stuffed animal.  In 12 days another whac is coming and I'm scared the hammer will miss.  This is the most unease I've felt so far and hopefully the end to treatment.

Life is a sequence of games. You just need to figure out how to win.




Monday, November 17, 2014

Boring me!

Over the last few days I've been asked why I haven't blogged.  One friend thought something was wrong since I've been quiet & I replied that I'm just boring!

The recovery stage is going well physically.  Looking at me you'd have no idea I have cancer.  I'm no longer green from chemo nor in pain from the radiation. I'm no longer on any pain medication but still taking a sleeping pill to help me sleep through the night.  

Exhaustion or tired spells are what I feel most right now.  My groin lymphnode was removed in July and I recovered well from this surgery, but lately has been a bit swollen as I've been more on my feet.  Being on my feet means shopping and dinner dates lol

I found myself really busy last week.  As soon as I was told my surgery date I booked myself solid.  I think I did that so I wouldn't admit to myself how scared I am of this next step.  I've always been scared but more scared than I let on.  I don't really talk about it and won't until I have to.  I know all will be ok but it ain't gone be fun...none of this has.  

I usually don't put up my Christmas tree and decor until December 1st but broke tradition and decorated today.  I'll be at my folks most of December but love a festive apartment so why not right?  My folks will have lovely decor but I enjoy the set up so started early while I'm able. 

Oh I forgot to say I got a new winter's pale pink & I love it.  Big news!




Sunday, November 9, 2014

Surgery set!

Extra extra read all about it.....this just in...December 8th big kahuna will be removed!

For anyone who doesn't know or remember, when this cancer journey began I named my tumour big kahuna.  I like to name car goes by snowflake & my cats a Lion King theme.  I should probably rename big kahuna "little kahuna" since it's now shrunk in size but a name is a name!

I received a call Thursday letting me know surgery will happen December 8th at VGH.  I won't know what time until the 7th when I call admitting to find out.  They most likely schedule surgeries by order of importance but I like to think I'm important lol

I've had a lovely time this week visiting with cousin Crissy otherwise known as our favourite cousin from the east.  Rumour has it we had much success shopping but I will not deny nor confirm such news.  A nice family weekend of dinner and visits topped off with a successful Canucks road trip makes for a good time.  However my good time has come to an end as I find myself fighting a cold.  

My pops was a young soldier in WWII.  He was awarded the military cross & took part in the liberation of Holland.  A few years ago I read the letters he sent home to his wife during the war & envisioned a small part of what he went through.  I remember him often but will honour his memory and sacrifices Tuesday.  Lest we Forget. 

If I'm half as strong as Pops and my other grandparents were surgery has nothing on me!  




Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Country strong

The Country Music Awards were on tonight and I found myself a bigger country fan.  The messages behind these songs are uplifting and/or touching.  A place where whiskey and a good looking man can make it all better.   A place where jeans and sparkly dresses are high fashion.  A place I'd like to go. I'll be country strong. 

Today I met with my surgeon to hear more about my upcoming surgery.  I don't have an exact date but it looks like early-mid December will be "party" time.  Once the doctor looks over her calendar I'll hear an exact date.  The agenda won't be written in stone as they won't really know what surgery will bring until it happens.  

If the tumour has shrunk enough & left enough space to remove it without affecting surrounding areas, they'll do so.  If there's not enough room or scar tissue appears to be part of the tumour, they'll perform a biopsy and complete surgery #1.  Once the biopsy results come back we'll know if it's scar tissue or not.  We'd want it to be scar tissue as if it's cancerous & on the sphincter that means a colostomy will happen.  Surgery #2. Basically room is needed around the cancer to avoid it from spreading.  Gosh that was a mouthful.  Are you confused 'cause I kinda am lol

Until December comes I'll download some new country songs and hope I beat cancer like Miranda Lambert beats her competitors.  Looks like some sparkly country boots are in my know I love me some sparkle!




Monday, November 3, 2014


Parents talk months for their babies age and in cancer we talk fractions...or at least we did today.

Today was my first appointment with my radiation doctor since the end of treatment and he gave me great news.  Over the past 6 weeks my tumour has continued to shrink and is 1/10th it's original size! This is exactly what we wanted to hear.  

When I was first seen they told me in order to remove the tumour without complication it had to shrink but there was no guarantee.  So far the shrink has happened and now I need the no complication part to follow. This coming Wednesday I meet with my surgeon and hope to hear more good news.

It's oh-so real right now.  I remember when this part was so far away and now it's here.  I still feel scared, anxious and uneasy but keep telling myself it too will pass. 

Since my journey began, 2 friends of mine have been diagnosed and joined the cancer club.  We all handle & feel things differently but I leave any newly diagnosed person with this advice:
-listen to your doctors as they are the best in the world
-stay positive
-ask for help & know when to say no

We're now in the month of November, or Movember, raising money and awareness for Men's cancers. How do I create a month to raise money for my type of cancer?  Nothing sounds as catchy but I sure know how to throw a party!  Adenocacinoma June just doesn't sound so good lol.