Monday, September 29, 2014

Love ahead

I just woke up out of a dream.  I can't recall exactly what the dream was, but I think it involved a picture perfect family running through a meadow tickling each other on a sunny day.  No wonder I woke up & thank goodness I didn't vommit LOL

This dream got me to thinking about my life apr├Ęs cancer, my love after cancer and my life before cancer.  Everywhere you look it's families.  Going to the park, face painting at the zoo or just chillin at home watching a show.  I see it on FB, TV shows and in the supermarket. Sometimes I tell myself people have kids so they can hang with kids more than adults.  Not a bad theory but so not true.

Before cancer I was "out there" but not in a relationship and definitely not picking the right guys.  It's like I had a neon sign that followed me saying "got troubles, come see me & I'll fix you.....for the next girl.  I've been cursed many times as the girl he dated before "the one".  So glad I could be of service at no charge except my sanity and most likely a lot of wine.

It'll be interesting when I enter the dating scene again. I'm jumping the gun here because it won't be for quite some time, but I think about it. I'll still be the same person who loves hockey and can make people laugh, but after that I'll have a story to tell and maybe a crutch that comes along with it.  It'll take a certain man to accept me if you will.  He better show his face because I got plans and need him to join me.

Yes kids are a blessing & I love all the little people in my life to pieces.  However there will be no "mini me".  Instead there will be a travelling me.  A me with things vs bottles & diapers.  A me who could jump in a pimped out RV & cruise across Canada for a couple months.  I've never been to PEI nor many other places.  A me I think I would be quite good at & happy with. Hopefully I can find my man and travel and do things most people would never do.  That would be cool....really cool!

I've always known I wanted a wedding but I've not always know or been sure on the kid part.  Maybe Prince Charming will already have one I can spoil or we have none and get the Great Dane I desperately want.  We'd name him Moufasa continuing with my existing Lion King named cats Simba & Nalla.  A theme never hurt anyone don't judge me LOL

I do know some great kid free couples & they are so happy together.  It be great to join that club & just think the money saved on kids would mean a kick ass wardrobe and shoes....oh and handbags.




Saturday, September 27, 2014


I literally just shot up in bed 3 hrs after taking a sleeping pill (how am I awake?) and said the word support.  Maybe I was in a dream thanking my supporters or something, but now I have to blog. There's no way I'll fall back asleep til I do. It's now 1:19am I'm typing with my left hand as my right is propping up my head since I'm doing this all while laying in bed on my right hip in the dark.'s comfy!

Supporters come in so many forms.  I learned from cancer authour Kris Carr to have a posse.  Your go to team & I've got that but I've also got other supporters and every day I'm blown away by what you do to support me.  

Just yesterday Cindy, a gal I knew when I lived in Calgary years ago, posted on my Facebook wall that she ran for me at The Terry Fox Run.  I was floored. Cindy & I out of no fault of just losing time haven't seen or spoken in years. I don't know her phone number but she ran for me. Extremely touching & shows that social media keeps friendships alive. If not for FB she might never have known I was sick but the big message is she ran for me.  She supports me.  We're friends who care. Unbelievable. 

These last 4 days of rehab have been awful.  In the beginning of treatment you say or think "I got this" , I'm a fighter", "cancer ain't got nothing on me" or "fuck you cancer". All very true statements that help you stay positive until the end of your treatments but then they're gone. Just seeing my chemo and radiation teams daily kept me upbeat.  Now they're a memory. 

My 5 weeks were up Monday & now I'm home to rehab.  No more nurses or techies to run a question by.  No more talking to the lady who's always before or after you.  It just stops.  Now I'm my own advocate.  How do I know I'm healing properly before my 5 week follow up?  This was unsettling to me so my mother made a call to the clinic.  I'm not just being "pushed" away.  I can call the nurse & she'll see me anytime and evaluate me.  Such a relief.  They still care but they didn't tell me that at the end of my 5 weeks. The doctors did say call if you need anything but otherwise see you November for check up.  Instead I cried to my mom I felt abandoned and she made sure I wasn't. How much of a supporter is that!

I have 130 people's names I've written down that have somehow supported me in my cancer journey.  Each of these people have done different things from a card in the mail wishing me & my first tattoo well (have to wait to heal before I can get it so 2015), coming to spend the day laying in bed with me, sending me an email from across the globe, a beautiful picture from Queenstown with my hashtag and just being a friend.  I'm not an easy friend right now.  A visit with me is like a visit with a newborn who does little except I talk & am larger in size.   You know what I mean...I'm no fun but I'm getting there because of my supporters.  

Thank you so much for your support.  When I'm struggling or crying I just think of you & the lovely gestures you've shown me and it makes me feel better.  I know friendships take years to form but through this I see how many great friendships I made.  Really special and when this is over I will do my best to 
thank you all personally.  

Please keep the support coming because these next couple of weeks are big for me.  I'm pretty much on bed rest rehabing my radiation owies.  It will get better but until then I push through.




Thursday, September 25, 2014


My radiation side effects are in full force.  I'm burnt, I hurt, it sucks.

They told me in the beginning it would be like a sunburn.  I've only ever had 1 real bad sunburn and that is a story from Mexico. You sit in the pool all day drinking, dunking your head to cool off, listening to music & talking to new people. It's awesome fun!  I sunscreened my whole body except forehead. Why nobody thought to tell me "hey put on a hat" or "looking like a leather shop" I have no idea but the blame is all mine.  I wore a T-shirt around my head for the rest of the day while in the pool and covered up better thereafter. Now that I think of it I'm pretty sure I burnt my forehead in Hawaii too.  Note to self get stylish hat for future warm destination vacations.

The point to my story is the Mexico sunburn has nothing on this.  They're both equally crappy to go through but I'd trade in a heart beat for a sore forehead.

So now my "healing" process is bed rest.  Legs up, limited walking and movement. Just what I like in my life!  I'm getting really sick of saying "healing" cause I ain't feeling any better.  What can I call it instead?  Perhaps rehab?  When I think rehab I picture somebody coming out better than they were before vs healing all I see is incense and man with a beard chanting.  Yes...I'm delusional lol. Rehab it is!

Hoping my rehab gets to the next level over the weekend.  I've had to decline hockey tickets and going to a BFFS birthday this weekend.  If you know me I never pass up hockey tickets pre-season or not & you know I love to celebrate my friends.

I'm in a bit of a pity-me kinda mood but it will get better.  Until then I show no shame in crying in front of whomever is taking care of me and not washing my hair until day 2.. Yeesh!




Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Radiation over!

Up until 630pm tonight I was thinking my boost was a for sure thing.....but then a NO CALLER ID call came in.  I answered & it was my surgeon.  After consulting with my radiation doctor and some of her colleagues, she decided to cancel the boost.  Until you know the full story you probably aren't sure if it's good or bad news but I'm writing in pink so it's good!

Today was probably one of the worst days I've ever had.  My pain level was off the charts and my tears wouldn't stop.  I took my pain meds and used my creams but nothing was helping me.  Anything I ate or drank was out of me faster than Marty McFly going Back To The Future in the DeLorean car time machine.  I left messages for the doctors to call me and told mom I couldn't take any more physically. 

Needing to feel better I called my angel and neighbour Aunt Michelle to come over and distract me & give me a change of scenery.  My poor mother sat with me on my bed all day and held my hand, rubbed my back and listened to me cry.  She's been so strong through this all.  Now I have my mom and aunt to talk with and it worked.  We all hung out in my bed and I relaxed and stopped crying.  A fashion magazine was also brought over for future use!

As mentioned the call came in at 630pm.  By then aunty was home, I was doing ok and mom was relaxing at the TV.  Ring ring....!  Here are the reasons why the boost is canceled and why it's a good thing.  Going point form for easy understanding:
1-more radiation could do more damage than good to my sphincter 
2-my tumour has shrunk well up until now
3-radiation will live & continue to shrink my tumour for months
4-it just might be too much
5-my pain level is high
6-if I've responded well thus far we hope that continues 

I cried so much today I didn't have tears of joy left in me.  I was so happy to know no more appointments, no more additional pain, no more, no more, no more!  Now it's all about healing. My skin and body have been through a lot these past 5 weeks and I've had the tumour for who knows how long so I need to rest up, get stronger, get ready for surgery.  I'll have a follow up apt in Nov when they'll decide the surgery date.  Guesstimate is December...that darn Santa just likes me too much!

We must be excited about this but also must stay in reality.  My healing will take  time.  It'll happen in stages.  Nothing just happens because radiation stops but it shouldn't get worse.  I look forward to getting stronger.  Time to become a warrior and prepare for Decembers battle in the OR!




Monday, September 22, 2014

Run Forrest Run!

If I could be like a young Forrest Gump and run while breaking free of my brace I would.  In the movie he's being chased by "bad guys" and his hardship, which is a leg brace, ends up bursting open & he runs better than anyone else from then on. Cancer is my "bad guys" and the brace is my body getting getting told how and what to do.

I had my surgeon visit today to see if my brace was ready to come off.  We're close but the bad guys are still going to chase me for at least another week to 8 days.  I'll get a call by Wednesday letting me know what the doctors have decided is my new boost treatment plan.  Boost sounds cool, like a superhero but I feel weak like the villain who's tried too many times to beat the superhero.

I'm about to be very honest with you about what happened to me today.  I received the news (hand drawn pic too which was cool) & was prepared to hear it.  Mom and I went to leave and I thought I needed to go to the washroom.  We walked quickly to the nearest restroom and someone was in it.  I full on panicked.  I was the girl everyone looked at as I cried and yelled for someone to find me a bathroom. Staff jumped out of corners and whisked me to a restroom nearby.  I was just bawling and calling for my mother.  I had no accident although in that moment I thought I was about to.  I was just hit with 5 weeks of reality and now another, it was almost harder than hearing I had cancer.  My mom helped me calm down and got me home safely then I jumped, well rolled, in to bed to do some more deep breathing. 

The biggest struggle right now is eating and my bowels.  When they tell you radiation will "upset your bowels" that's just too nice. They instead should have told me words like painful, awful, distress and tragic to name a few. Why hold such information back.  This might be my first complaint as everyone in the clinic has been so amazing, fantastic, loveable to name a few LOL

I know wait to get the next call and continue my conquer radiation challenge.  The team received their cookies and jelly beans from me today and loved them. Now that I'm going back for more treatment will they expect more treats ha ha ha ha




Sunday, September 21, 2014

Early mornings early thoughts

As usual it's early & I'm up but hope I can get some more zzzz's after this LOL

I've had so much feedback from so many of you on my writing, that it's inspiring me to think of ways to continue during and after my journey.  My blog is stuck to me like glue and going no where but I'm starting to think bigger.  How can I help others like I did that lady in the waiting room last Friday?  I've got an idea for a book for pelvic patients (sounds so blah "pelvic patients") and I've got an idea for a column. That's all I'm really going to say but my question to you my dedicated followers is this:

Would you read an upbeat, informative and funny cancer column? Like a dear Abby with a twist.  Connect it to social media and show Carrie Bradshaw who's boss?

We all know someone who's had cancer but it's google that really connects us.  I want to change that somehow.  

I need your replies via here, email, text etc I'd love to hear your thoughts.  

Look forward to hearing from you & again thanks for following. Over 8100 views which is about 115 a day.  So blessed to have so many who care about me & my happenings. 




Saturday, September 20, 2014

1 to go!

I'm up early so blog time it is.  I'm up early but I forget I'm going to bed at 930 so waking at 6 is a decent sleep.  This is when I miss being in my apt as Simba would wake with me. My sweet boy he is.

Friday came and went and now I have 1 radiation left on Moday and my surgeon visit.  Words cannot express how I hope Monday goes.  Of course I'm prepared for the boost but obviously don't want it.  Whatever my surgeon says but my fingers are crossed enough has happened over these 5 weeks that I'll be given the green light!

This weekend I have a visit and a babysit.  Difference is mom is here for visit and out for babysit. Erynn will be my sitter Sunday night when my folks are out for some fun with friends.  I just can't be alone that long yet.  They will be home in time for tucking in though lol 

My anxiety and exhaustion have been high the past couple days. I think the unknowing and the "I'm so done" feelings are really showing.  The driving, the exhaustion, the uncomfortableness....just everything is hitting me like a brick house.  I need this chapter to end.  I need to heel.  Even if the boost is ordered it's just one more week right....right lol but it will be ok, I'll get through it.

I ordered a new bag and sweater online that came yesterday so that made me feel better.  Have a great weekend y'all. Till we meet again Monday!




Thursday, September 18, 2014

3 days...3 days!

I struggle getting to sleep at night.  I have a routine where I take my meds/sleeping pill, curl in and mom comes to do her duty.  This all at 930pm...yes you heard that right.  I'm 39 years old & proud to say that when sick with cancer your mom tucking you in telling you you'll be ok & you'll fall asleep is the best.....until she leaves the room.  Then my mind goes off the charts.  Yesterday I struggled and I think it's due to the end of treatment being near and also the unknowing about the boost.  So 3 treatment days or come Monday this will all be known. 

Can you hear me screaming it goes like this "aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

I'm screaming for many reasons, let's make a list, I'm a lister kinda gal:

-so close to no more radiation, will the boost of 5-8 treatments happen? (gutt says yes)
-my meds have decreased but I'm still tired and weak
-I want to drive so bad ... Silly but such and independence thing for me
-to wear regular clothing is my dream.  My sweats have already seen better days
-can I attend a bday party on the 27th or I will I be too weak

These are just some things that rush through my mind as I try to sleep after mom tucks me in.  Sometimes I'm out like a moth to a flame other times like last night I was up 3 times remaking the bed, switching which hip to lie on and just a whole lot of worry.  I texted my cousin Steph who's a pharmacist saying can I take 2 sleeping pills vs 1?  I took the 2nd as I thought it was too late to text her anyway.  By 11pm I settled in under a single sheet with my cozy blanket snuggled to my face and the fan keeping me cool.  Then I woke up at 6am, not quite the sleep I wanted but it was sleep. Now here I am blogging away to not wake the parents until 730. That's when dad gets up to make his smoothie & get ready for work. Until then I hang in my room with blogs & books.

Today is 3 days left.  Let's think of 3 things I've learned 
1) too many sick people
2) you don't know how to cope till it happens 
3) my family & friends are so amazing 

Happy Thursday y'all, what are your 3 things learned?




Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Why me?

I had a great sleep last night (930-730) and then I wake up to a "why me" day.  There is no answer, there is no reason, there is no logic.  It's just is my journey.

Tears roll down my cheeks, my glasses fog up but I just remember this isn't forever it's just for right now.  I've decided to get a tattoo that says "conquer" in a nice script on my left wrist.  This won't happen for a while yet till I can heal but I'm excited to know I've made a decision for me and not why me.

Monday marks the end of my current treatment plan and I'll see the surgeon who will advise if I need the radiation boost.  Of course I want this over but if I need it I'm there like toothpaste on a toothbrush. It has to happen to avoid "the bag".  Hate even saying it so let's move on.

So many messages, cards, gifts of love, flowers you amaze me with your generosity.  Keep it coming but pink nike runners next ok LOL....I'm kidding Santa! 

Have a great Wednesday folks!




Monday, September 15, 2014

6 Day Countdown

Today marked my last day of chemo! It was nice to see one chapter of my journey come to a close, leaving now 5 more radiation treatments.  Today I had Marlon and my mother keeping me company during my usual routine which means blanket over my toes, ginger ale with a straw and my chair fully reclined.

I met a lady in the waiting room today who was coming in for her first treatment which entails 6 hours of chemo per week for the next few months.  Although in her 70's and a Breast Cancer survivor she never had to go through chemo previously so she was very nervous and anxious about her journey. She was there alone and that made me feel sad for her.  I took it upon myself to give her what I think are some good chemo tips.  I told her: "Never let the nausea take over".  I showed her a bottle of pills that worked for me and told her to ask her doctor if they would work for her too.  I felt good helping her today and she thanked me with a smile and wished me well for my last day.  

Once I arrived home Petra came for a visit and was nice enough to make me some toast and pour me some ginger ale.  I was feeling a little bit rough and in true friendship style, she coasted along with me.

A little bit of sleep in the afternoon and then my wife (Candice) arrived to babysit so mom could go out for dinner with her wife Sandy. Candice was sweet enough to read to me and is taking dictation for this blog right now. Who wears the pants in this relationship?! (Seriously though, we're just best friends.)

Because my tumour has shrunk so has my level of pain therefore I've stopped taking the morphine and I am instead taking Tylenol. I must tell you it feels nice to have my mind back to the way it should be. Give me 2 weeks and I'll be on the road, coming to visit you!




Sunday, September 14, 2014

Whits end

Yes I'm going in to my 5th (and hopefully last week of treatment) but I must tell you I'm literally going insane or as I say cray-cray!  The emotions are coming in from things I haven't thought of in some time.  Today dad mentioned my pops and I started bawling.  Not that my then 94 year old pops would have been able to help me physically, but I miss him & it brings mortality to the table.  

I sit in the same position, the same bed, use this iPad (love it) and my cell and that's my day in a nutshell.  Add in treatment and that's my routine,  I need change!  I need to be better, I need to get normal.  I know this won't happen over night so I cry and I feel better.  Nothing the matter with a good cry....says my mother.

The upcoming 7 weeks will unveil itself to me as to what state I'll be in physically and emotionally.  I've already started to ween off the hydromorphone which keeps me from driving.   Since my tumor is  smaller my pain is less so I get "high" but it's not a good high.  I can't compare to other drugs but It's nothing like the movie Pineapple Express sitting on a couch & laughing with your buddies or my case my folks.  Instead I'm up I'm down & all around.  Sleepy not sleepy. Happy's sucks lol 

Remember a few blogs back I spoke of Santa bringing the t-shirts?  Well he struck early again at Shane's work this time.  I think I see a Christmas card in the making this year!  




Saturday, September 13, 2014

Boating charm

On Friday after treatment we decided to go for a dinner up Indian Arm on the boat.  Mom, Dad, myself and Uncle Randy & Auntie Marie. R & M have been driving me once a week so we wanted to do a nice thank you. Randy loves boating so it all fit in to place. 

We set off around 3 and back just at dark. Cruising home we saw beautiful sunsets that Marie got pictures of on her swanky new phone!  Mom had prepped dinner so we just had to tie up at our dock station & no mess cooking.  There wasn't another boat up by the time we left so enjoyed all it's beauty to our self. Potato salad & chicken-delicious!

R & M had a surprise for me.  So very sweet.  A bottle of champagne that read "Carly Allen's Fuck Cancer Champagne" along with chocolate dipped strawberries.  The sweetness of this act of love trumped the sweet strawberries.  We toasted to the news received this week and I had 1 too many strawberry!   

It was a really nice time.  I'm not the easiest to be round as I'm up I'm down, I'm happy I'm sad so it takes one to cope with my moods.  My family has been beyond awesome. I'm very fortunate for having people by my side, calling me etc as I know there are others less fortunate.  




Thursday, September 11, 2014

Surgeon happy!

Met with my surgeon yesterday and she is super happy with my progress and said it's better than she had thought it would be.  This is great news as she's the one who needs to take out the tumour and glands.  We still need it to shrink more because if it's location.  When doing surgery like this you need to take it out along with surrounding areas to not have a reoccurrence.  Since I'm only 5'3 I guess I have a smaller area so need to keep shrinking.  Shrink away little buddy, shrink away!

I expect to see her again next week after my 5th week is done and then will hear more about if a boost is needed and when surgery will be.  I'll need to heal from radiation so most likely 6 weeks post treatment.  During these 6 weeks I hope to be off meds so I can drive, go to lunches and bday parties & see new babies.  Lots to do as long as I can.

Until then I remain the Bed Queen and baggy sweats fashion star!




Tuesday, September 9, 2014


Today was an eventful day at the clinic.  It first started with radiation, a visit with the radiation doctor and then a counselling session.  I had some good news come my way today! 

My tumor has shrunk to half it's original size!!  This is so good to hear that all I/we are going through is working.  Tomorrow I'll meet with my surgeon to hear if it's shrunk enough or if the boost is needed to further shrink the tumor to get it out without complications. The 5 week plan remains regardless as my groin has cancerous cells needing zapping!

After this great news mom and I met with a counsellor to talk about all I'm going through.  It was a good session and came to the conclusion that it would be nice to go to a seminar to learn self coping mechanisms after treatment is over.  At some point I'll have to be alone prior to surgery and just want to make sure I'll be ok.  I like to think after I'm off the meds a lot of this will come with time.  Preparation is half the battle and something new to occupy my time.

Notice I'm writing in pink, it's a good day!




Monday, September 8, 2014

Honesty is the best policy

So if you knew me before my diagnosis, you'd know I'd never have a hair out of place, I'd always have on a cute dress with accessories (everyone needs a good belt) and lipstick, there was always lipstick.  Now my hair is out of place, I cut my bangs myself and wear XL & too long of sweatpants!  I didn't even own sweats prior to this joke!

My honesty is in my pictures and this blog. You see me perky but you'll also see me wearing my glasses receiving chemo sans maquillage!  I think it's so important to be honest to let you know this isn't a walk in the park but that some days you do smell the roses.

Today was my 4th of 5 chemo sessions and I feel good.  Got through the day and next week hopefully is my last time receiving chemo.  I shall not miss the hand IV nor the sitting for an hour watching & hearing "drip drip" but I will miss the nice nurses.  Radiation now has 9 days left pending a boost.  This I will never miss again, the screeching sound, the red lights, the feeling of being cancers sacrifice.  But it was and is all necessary and continues on for 9 more sessions.

Tomorrow I have a counselling session, my first time with a shrink.  I don't think she knows what she's in for!  I'll give her this blog and tell her to take 2 aspirins and to call me in a week lol  In reality I'm looking forward to talking this canser 
(spelt it wrong on purpose I'm in control) thing out.  She'll hear me & I hope to learn something new.

Mom is about to serve up chicken cordon bleu with veggies & risotto.  I gotta go!




Sunday, September 7, 2014

Sunday sleepover

Tonight I'm staying over at Cathy's as I have chemo at 10am tomorrow so it's a lot closer to the clinic. Cathy is a mothering type so will sub in for mom till we pass me off in the afternoon!  We've been friends since we were 13 walking the halls of Kits High. Instant friends both with a love for cute boys & scrunchies. 

Mom & I went to Jann Arden last night but I only lasted half way.  Jann is hilarious, sounds just as good as she did 20 years ago & looked great. I loved her outfit.  Sad I didn't last whole show but glad I ventured out.  

This being the start of week 4 I'll be getting examined by the doctors.  I'm hoping to hear that treatment has shrunk my tumour & were on course to complete after week 5. They've always said that a boost of 5-8 treatments could happen if the tumor still needs more shrinkage prior to surgery.  I'm no doctor, but I can tell the tumor has shrunk.  To what size or stage I have no clue but I just feel this is working .  

I feel like crap everyday so knowing that this process is doing its "thang" makes me smile. I look forward to the moment I can sit for for than 30min sans struggles, the moment I can drive my car, the moment I can dance & the moment I say I'm cancer free. 

But for now I'm going to enjoy a Popsicle...oh yeah!




Friday, September 5, 2014

Ode to week 3

My secretary, (Candice), is typing this for me as I'm just a little weak. Week 3 has come to an end and I'm glad to see it go.

Over the past week I've dealt with anxiety, not enough sleep and a whole 2 pounds lost! Weekly blood work shows all is fine and that I seem to be responding to my treatments as predicted.

As mentioned in my previous blog, tomorrow I'm to attend the Jann Arden concert and after a car ride earlier today, I have a new outfit to wear. I'm looking forward to the show as her music is so lovely.

Not too much more to report at this time but as always, thank you for your well wishes.




Thursday, September 4, 2014

Early bird

At 3:56am I was awake.  Only 5 hrs of sleep even after taking my sleeping pill.  But I expected a restless night.  Hope this next bit isn't too much for my male readers, but whatves it's my blog right?

When I started radiation to my pelvis I was told radiation would "kill my internal clock", reproduction cells zapped and no babies & along with that no periods.  As to when the no fuss no mess would occur was the mystery.  Well my friends 12 treatments in & she's back.  Add this party to the rest & it's gonna be a great few days LOL.  You'd think after the last few months a win could happen right?  This might lead to a pedicure this weekend to soften my emotional blow!

So as I wake up super early just now, I decide to let the parents sleep!  Just cause I'm up feeling chatty doesn't mean they have to as well & I'm sure I'll get a big thank you for that later.  So instead I picked up a book given to me Aug 10 from Tara, a cancer survivor, and her husband, my cousin Curt. The book is called Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips by Kris Carr.  I'm only 16 pages in but it made me have to blog. I feel inspired.  Usually when my blogs are pink it's an indication!

Per her direction early on she said to write, scribble, anything you'd like in the book.  So at 410am I slowly walked on my tip-toes to not wake my parents & got a pen out of the kitchen.
Here's what I've circled thus far:

1-her cancer is different than mine but we're both rare diagnosis' she said "I used to celebrate my uniqueness, now it seemed like a total detriment to my survival" 
----I can so relate, could go on forever. 

2-" I refused to let cancer wreck my party.  There are just too may cool things to do and plan to live for"
----again I can relate but have to wait to be more mobile.  This will come after treatment and post-surgery.  We shall party my friends!!

3----she talks about cancer being called a Gift.  We both agree it's not a gift.  Nothing good about this but it is a catalyst. 

I'm now about to continue to stay up all night & read read read.  There seem to be stories from others in her book too.  How cool of a forum. I hope I can do something that reaches others too,  that has yet TBD

Oh and on the party note, I ordered a new outfit online and get to tomorrow. It'll be the 1st time out of sweats for more than 1 hour.  Saturday mom & I are going to see Jann Arden.  the girls at Uncle Bruce's office made sure me & my cane have an aisle seat.  Easier for me but better for others so I can come & go if need be.

Time to get back to my book.  Enjoy your day.  I will most likely nap pre or post radiation after being up so early lol 




PS start using my hashtag if you can ona any post on here, FB or Instagram. Let's light it up!

PPS the sprinklers just came on. It's 520am. wtf!

Tuesday, September 2, 2014


Bonjour trois semaines. Je suis ici pour conquerir...regarder dehors pour moi! 
Hello week 3.  I'm here to conquer...look out for me!

It's only day 1 of week 3 but with music, your love & my new quilt I feel like a winner!  Thank you Su for your effort & love in making the "chemo quilt". I'm in awe of your talent & your thought to make this for me. Love ya!

Today I cruised the clinic halls with dad & Uncle Bruce. We talked about sports (obviously) entertainment and life happenings.  They got to see me get chemo by IV and where I receive my radiation.  It was great to have them by my side and also good for my mom to have a day off. She's been such a rock for me, for us all. Love you momma. 

Today I got a prescription for an anxiety medicine,  glad I did because it's necessary. TBA how this goes but I'm assuming well.  If it gets worse Houston will have a problem!!  I've been eating too healthy it turns out.  Let's just say too much fibre so I need to cut back to carb type foods. I've lost a couple lbs but nothing drastic so let's keep it that way OK doc LOL

One small side effect I'm having is my hands are clumping almost like a claw.  I asked the doctor about this today and it does happen for radiation patients. It's made it harder for me to text and type so Siri is having to assist me some.  Hope you understand why my text replies might me short "cool" "yup" or "awesome" now. 

I'll leave you with this quote from a Jann Arden song.  I hope to be at her show this Saturday and this sums it up:

Don't you know I could not survive without you in my life - Jann Arden 




Monday, September 1, 2014

Song of the day

Good morning, good morning....or at least I think it is ha ha ha ha

I've started posting on Facebook my song of the day.  Seems that music is a healing power, imagine that! I've commented on bands that some folk might not know such as Rivers In The Wasteland (The Heart) to Tracy Chapman (Talkin' Bout A Revolution). I'm an all genre kinda girl so if you have any good suggestions please let me know.  I catch myself doing what I guess would be called dancing or swaying to these songs.  Feels good to let free if you will. 

Today marks the end to my "long weekend" and it was nice having an extra day to rest up.  Since I migrated back to my folks I've calmed down the anxiety somewhat by talking with you on the phone or listening to the song of the day.  I know there's another magic pill that could help with the anxiety, but I'm trying to see how I can handle this.  My poor body is going through so much that one less battle, one less pill, I think is a positive.

I'm going home for a few hours today to visit my fur babies while dad briefly works.  I know they miss me even though they're being well cared for by Cindy.  I'm thankful this is only 5 weeks vs 5 months for their sanity....or is it mine...ya them... Lol 

Tomorrow the Chemo 6th floor will be overtaken by Allen's as Dad and Uncle B join me for support. They'll get to see the process first hand and I'm sure entertain any other patients sharing the room with me during that hour!  I have a smile on my face before this even happens. A couple "tough guys" coming to save my day!

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend.  Thanks to Renee & Erin Larson for coming to visit this weekend and I spit on the rest of you who didn't (I'm sooooo kidding!)   I just saw we've exceeded 6,000 views on the blog.  Thank you everyone for reading.  Share this with anyone you feel would like a good read (if I do say so myself)!




Update Dec 5th

Sorry I am a day late! This is from Carly yesterday :) Pic 1 was taken months ago and shows how big my hernia was. It was even bigger at...