If I could be like a young Forrest Gump and run while breaking free of my brace I would. In the movie he's being chased by "bad guys" and his hardship, which is a leg brace, ends up bursting open & he runs better than anyone else from then on. Cancer is my "bad guys" and the brace is my body getting getting told how and what to do.
I had my surgeon visit today to see if my brace was ready to come off. We're close but the bad guys are still going to chase me for at least another week to 8 days. I'll get a call by Wednesday letting me know what the doctors have decided is my new boost treatment plan. Boost sounds cool, like a superhero but I feel weak like the villain who's tried too many times to beat the superhero.
I'm about to be very honest with you about what happened to me today. I received the news (hand drawn pic too which was cool) & was prepared to hear it. Mom and I went to leave and I thought I needed to go to the washroom. We walked quickly to the nearest restroom and someone was in it. I full on panicked. I was the girl everyone looked at as I cried and yelled for someone to find me a bathroom. Staff jumped out of corners and whisked me to a restroom nearby. I was just bawling and calling for my mother. I had no accident although in that moment I thought I was about to. I was just hit with 5 weeks of reality and now another, it was almost harder than hearing I had cancer. My mom helped me calm down and got me home safely then I jumped, well rolled, in to bed to do some more deep breathing.
The biggest struggle right now is eating and my bowels. When they tell you radiation will "upset your bowels" that's just too nice. They instead should have told me words like painful, awful, distress and tragic to name a few. Why hold such information back. This might be my first complaint as everyone in the clinic has been so amazing, fantastic, loveable to name a few LOL
I know wait to get the next call and continue my conquer radiation challenge. The team received their cookies and jelly beans from me today and loved them. Now that I'm going back for more treatment will they expect more treats ha ha ha ha
#carly2conquercancer
XOXO
C
Stay strong my friend! Love you and looking forward to seeing you next week xo
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Carly,
ReplyDeleteUnless someone has gone through what you are going through it is impossible to truly appreciate your struggles. What is clear to me and I am sure everyone who reads your blog is that you are one heck of a fighter, honest, full of heart and soul and will beat the shit out of this Cancer as it has nothing on you. ��
You poor thing. All I can say is you are not the first one to act this way in the cancer clinic. If anyone was looking at you crying and panicking it was out of empathy as that could've been them yesterday.
ReplyDeleteDeep breathing. Let's get through this one hour at a time.
Hugs,
Petra
P.s. Very good analogy of Forest Gump!
Carly, I'm sorry for the disappointing news. I do love your blog and really enjoy reading them. You are doing great and your writing is a gift for those who read it. I did like your idea of extending the help to others once you've beaten this villain. I have read many books about finding happiness and one of the major recurring themes is contribution or helping others. Perhaps this struggle is part of showing you how to help those in need. Hang in there - we love you and are right behind you each step, hoping for the boost to be a quick one. Wouldn't be much of a boost other wise ;-) Love Kath
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