Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Can you hear me now?

The phrase ‘can you hear me now’ is famous from Verizon cellular commercials in the early 2000’s. They were catchy and somehow everyone used that slogan and still do to this day. It got me to thinking a while back, as I felt my doctors weren’t hearing me, so one morning I woke up and said they will hear me now!

It’s been a while since my last blog entry, I was in a sad place. Since then I’ve taken some steps and have felt a coasting like pace, often not feeling blog entry type inspiration when in that zone.  I’ve had so many of you reach out to me wondering why no writing, so I heard you and here we are with you as my inspiration. Can you hear me now?

Coping with the depression was hard. I’ve never felt so low in my 43 years and then “fine” a while later only to feel low again. Like a teeter totter in the school play ground. Sometimes you end up sitting up high for a bit when your pal refuses to let you down, and sometimes the surprise when you come crashing down as they get off their seat. I cried so much that the skin around my eyes was raw. I recognized I needed help and booked a therapy session. To no surprise I cried the entire session but felt so much better as I drove home. I had released emotions that crept up on me with someone who could handle it. She was great and I will be seeing her again. 

I kept calling my doctors and set appointments begging them to help me with my hernias. Again I cried. No more stoic behaviour, they needed to know I was in a bad place. My family called and even emailed saying exactly what I said in person. Can you hear me now doc?  Not too long later I received a call from my hernia doctors office saying a cancellation came around and could I come in for a consult a few days later. You know I did. Nice doctor who said “wow you got some big hernias here, how come I’m just seeing you now?”  I swear I saw myself jumping across the table shaking him, but it was just a vision, although I coulda clocked him one!  I left the appointment being told that the larger of the 2 (on my right side), will be repaired in February or March and the other sometime thereafter. Progress made. Keep calling Carly. 

The holidays were spent with family and overall I did well. I often get really bad cramps after eating which brought me to tears (surprise) but I got over it. Basically my hernias are in the way so much that when output travels to Winnie it hurts really bad. When I’m alone or in a smaller setting I deal with it, but when it’s Christmas dinner or bigger situation it frustrates me. I get down because I don’t want to be the sick girl anymore but alas I still am, just on a different level. 

I continue to use my Instagram channel (Ostomate and the City) to bring forth awareness and connect with others who are like me. It’s pretty amazing how many new friends I’ve made without ever meeting them in the flesh. We write each other, we do live chats, we celebrate wins but also recognize struggles. Sometimes social media can take some hard turns but as of now it’s only done wonders for me to connect with ostomates within a great community. I do need to work more with my vlogging but haven’t found it as much my niche as this blog and Instagram.  We shall see what comes forth with it in 2019. 

Doing the best I can to not be in total lockdown, but also respecting my body and the struggles it still has. When I feel good I go out, when I feel bad I stay home, usually sleeping or watching movies/TV. If you need a suggestion of what to watch just ask. I’m mostly in to comedies and crime drama documentaries as they cheer me up. Ones funny and the other makes me appreciate I’m not am addict or a serial killer ha ha ha

Oh 2019 I so hope you can hear me now. All you really need to hear is “I’M DONE”. May this year be a good one for you, for me, for my family and my friends. Winnie will be 1 in February which also marks 1 year cancer free so I may do a little something. I did celebrate these milestones during my previous battle but never made it past 2 years, so here’s to hoping that I’ll exceed that timeline and many other hopes and dreams. Love to you all! 

XOXO

C

#carly2conquercancer
#winniethepouch

Update Dec 5th

Sorry I am a day late! This is from Carly yesterday :) Pic 1 was taken months ago and shows how big my hernia was. It was even bigger at...