Thursday, September 18, 2014

3 days...3 days!

I struggle getting to sleep at night.  I have a routine where I take my meds/sleeping pill, curl in and mom comes to do her duty.  This all at 930pm...yes you heard that right.  I'm 39 years old & proud to say that when sick with cancer your mom tucking you in telling you you'll be ok & you'll fall asleep is the best.....until she leaves the room.  Then my mind goes off the charts.  Yesterday I struggled and I think it's due to the end of treatment being near and also the unknowing about the boost.  So 3 treatment days or come Monday this will all be known. 

Can you hear me screaming it goes like this "aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

I'm screaming for many reasons, let's make a list, I'm a lister kinda gal:

-so close to no more radiation, will the boost of 5-8 treatments happen? (gutt says yes)
-my meds have decreased but I'm still tired and weak
-I want to drive so bad ... Silly but such and independence thing for me
-to wear regular clothing is my dream.  My sweats have already seen better days
-can I attend a bday party on the 27th or I will I be too weak

These are just some things that rush through my mind as I try to sleep after mom tucks me in.  Sometimes I'm out like a moth to a flame other times like last night I was up 3 times remaking the bed, switching which hip to lie on and just a whole lot of worry.  I texted my cousin Steph who's a pharmacist saying can I take 2 sleeping pills vs 1?  I took the 2nd as I thought it was too late to text her anyway.  By 11pm I settled in under a single sheet with my cozy blanket snuggled to my face and the fan keeping me cool.  Then I woke up at 6am, not quite the sleep I wanted but it was sleep. Now here I am blogging away to not wake the parents until 730. That's when dad gets up to make his smoothie & get ready for work. Until then I hang in my room with blogs & books.

Today is 3 days left.  Let's think of 3 things I've learned 
1) too many sick people
2) you don't know how to cope till it happens 
3) my family & friends are so amazing 

Happy Thursday y'all, what are your 3 things learned?

#carly2conquercancer

XOXO


C

2 comments:

  1. Good morning, countdown time. Big night last night for you. Big night every night. Ahh worrying. Troublesome. You have lots to think about. A great subject for your counsellor person. He/She will have coping mechanism ideas you might find useful. What I do know is worry is personal. Everyone is different, ways to cope are different. Try lots of things. For me, I put things in "boxes" and consciously leave them there and if the lid flips open I shove (SLAM) them back in till I am ready - stronger, wiser (hmm am I there yet?), have a friend to share with, shoulder to cry on, things like that. Some never leave the box and I heal over time. Some never leave the box and I peek back in from time to time because what made me worry/sad/anxious now makes me remember fonder things - maybe for you to remember how well you have made it through your treatments, the friends and family who did things to support you, (of course the crazy cat thank you notes). Some you might wish to just shove things in there and leave them (some might call that denial, I might call it self preservation). When you are stronger, fresh air and exercise will comfort you and maybe punching a bag like Jaq does might be a good outlet! I see you in a snazzy kickboxing outfit (no black leather). Perhaps marketing pink punching bag gloves(probably they are called boxing gloves!) as a business and giving back some cash to cure cancer - HEY you heard it here first! So many ways. Keep trying till you find ones that work. I wish I could fix it all for you. You are doing all the right things. Keep on going…Happy almost last radiation day Eve. Aunty Shell oxox

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  2. Hey Carly,
    You are doing amazeballs and I am very proud you are my cousin! I'm so glad you have been able to call me or text me whenever you feel like it as I am always here for you. This is a huge hill you are climbing but with the "stock" we come from I am confident your hilltop will be reached soon and we will ride down the hill together with our arms in the air yelling "yahoooo" . Keep the faith Cuz! Xoxoxoxo

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Hello everyone.  I wanted to do a final entry and inform you of the new way I'll be blogging moving forward.  I just realized that today...