When I wrote my blog yesterday I felt pretty good...at peace if you will. I learned today that this feeling of peace is short lived while battling cancer, and that the "reality check" hits you like ketchup hits french fries!
Going in to today I knew about my entire treatment plan except for chemotherapy. I was told yesterday that over the next few days I'd receive a phone call as to when day 1 of chemo would be. At 10:49am my caller ID read "Cancer Clinic" and I received the news. August 11th will not only be the start date of radiation and a CT scan, but now also includes 3 hours of chemotherapy.
I thanked the admitting clerk for calling and hung up the phone. I just stared at the wall....or was it the ceiling....maybe my cat....I can't recall. I might have blanked out to be honest. I've never been in any form of denial during this process but I just got smacked with reality at its best & it hurt!
Everyone who under goes cancer might find different things "scary". My 2nd fear is the chemo. Not what it will do to me so much, but more of what it'll look like in that moment when I have an IV in my arm, medicine pumping away. The moment when I can't just look away and it's over. My treatment will last 3 frickin hours. How am I not to look for 3 hours!!! Dear lord let me fall asleep.
I kinda relate this to chicken wings. I can't stand chicken wings nor looking at people eating chicken wings. I know it's weird but the carnivorousness, the messy hands, lickin' fingers, the bones in a bowl....it's just nasty to me. Chemo seems nasty but I expect that to change, however keep your greasy wing paws away from me LOL
Chemotherapy show time starts at 930am and ends at 1230. Then I head straight to radiation for a "zap-erific time" of about 45 minutes. I'll get some time to breathe and/or stretch till 3pm when I'll head for the creepy CT scan. I really hope they have comfy chairs or else....I don't know "what else" would be but it'll be something lol grrrr be scared of Carly's wrath! But let's be honest I got nothin ha ha ha
I was home solo when the chemo call happened, and shortly thereafter I received a call from my uncle. We both agreed this was a true reality check! Stay positive, go at this head on, you will conquer. But this shit sucks!
Few hours later I was low-low-low.....but not wearing "boots with the fur" (please know that song). I had previous plans for tonight but was going to cancel. After my wise father called & listened to me cry from my reality check, he pepped me up and my plans remained. I'm glad we kept the plans as we had a lovely meal and some tasty vodka waters too....lime wedge of course!
I think I learned a lot about reality today, it bites, but what reality needs to know is I bite harder!
#carly2conquercancer
XOXO
C
Hey ho
ReplyDeleteNope - no fur bottom song on my play list. Googled it - now I know why - yikes, must be good only after vodka. Agreed - chicken wings messy and also in category of bad date food (like parents serving peas when you bring a "friend" over for dinner - cruel). Love the analogy and love that you are going to kick ass here. Good advice from uncle and dad - keep moving forward. I wonder if we can find you one of those eye patch things they used to give you on airlines for sleeping - perhaps pink with stars to put over your eyes so you don't need to watch. Hmm. A treasure hunt opportunity for Aunty Shell.
Love ya.
I agree with you about chicken wings - so gross (though I do love them). BCCA does have comfy chairs and they recline - plus they also have heated blankets (my favorite)! What you should do is bring a sweater (loose fitting) after they put the IV in and start the machine pull your sleeves down, then you won't have to look at it in your arm. Plus you aren't sure yet how it is going to make you feel (there may not be any side effects) so the sweater can keep you warm in the air conditioned bldg. We all deal with things differently, Spinal Taps and Bone Marrow Biopsy's were my reality check. They were the scariest things, I hated the procedures and even more waiting for the results. There will more low days no doubt but you can count all of us to lift you higher! Since you watch OITNB, I will quote one of the characters: Remember it is all about perspective - if you shift it a little to the left or right - things will look differently (better). Love you!
ReplyDeleteI happen to have one of those eye patch things that I got from one of my trips on Air Transat and you can have it if you want. Sorry it is blue and not pink with stars or polka dots. Keep positive and repeat after me "I am stronger than this challenge and this challenge is making me even stronger". Enjoy your pedicure tomorrow. Lots of love sent your way!
ReplyDeleteAK xoxo
I wrote out the whole apple bottom jeans song this morning!!! Where did it go?!! You are badass cuz. You got this! #1Cuz
ReplyDeleteYou can do this! I'm coming to visit you during chemo in case you can't fall asleep.
ReplyDeleteHugs.
- Petra