M's

You're never too old to need your mom and after 25 days my amazing mother is back.  It's been a tough 25 days without her, but she got some well deserved rest and a tan.  Since my July diagnosis we're together all the time.  I learned a lot of new stuff about her and I'm sure she has of me.  Mom knows I have an addiction to bedding, correction, had an addiction.  I used to buy bedding instead of washing it and loved changing my colour themes.  Of course I've got curtains to match 'em all too!  Maybe I'll go rouge this week. 

I'll never be a mother and feel a daughters bond, but hope to be very involved with my nieces.  Perhaps I'll meet someone who has a daughter that I can mentor in some way or volunteer with Big Sisters. The serious me kind of feels sorry for myself but then the cool me likes the idea of being a fabulous aunt and then saying goodbye, returning to a child free home. Kids don't make you, you make yourself....so I think I'll be just fine overall but I'm sure I would have been a great mother.  There is a Great Dane waiting for me in the next couple years who's name will be Moufasa (keeping in with my lion king theme) no doubt to be spoiled by me and I'll train him to say mommy. That'll give me my mommy fix!

My grandma, Marlyn "Marnie" Allen, has been in my thoughts lately.  She had a tough life but she plugged along every day.  She lived for her children and grand children and taught me so many lessons of what a strong willed woman can do.  She lived with us until I was 7 or 8, and every week we'd watch The Lawrence Welk Show in her cool reclining bed.  She didn't seem to mind my playing with the buttons, legs up, legs down, and repeat with the back. She'd tell me childhood stories of my dad and uncle and how my parents met. I just lay there and listen.  

Her MS worsened but her heart loved us all no matter how much her frail body ached. She had beautiful crochet slippers and when she passed I kept a red pair to remember her by.  I've also got her bible and should bring it out and place on my bedside table.  I've worn the red slippers in hospital and at home hoping she's looking down on me and sending strength my way.  I regret not having a daughter only for the fact that I would have named her Marnie.  I think I'll get a female Great Dane, passing on Moufasa and name her Marnie instead.    

XOXO

#carly2conquercancer


C