Stayin' alive

They say there's a song for everything & I often hear songs in my head. Today's song was Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees. My PET scan came back normal with no changes since my last. Insert chorus here "ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.."

I've always had something irregular in my uterus. Since the beginning of this cancer journey we've never known what it is, so I just call it an alien. As long as this alien shows no sign of change we're happy. No doubt the radiation zapped it over & over stopping its growth as it did my entire reproductive system. PET scans light up irregular cells & today Dr Lee explained that my scan showed it to be less lit up, exactly what I wanted to hear.  Where my tumour once was, or as I named it 'Big Kahuna', all looks good. I was very happy to hear the fantastic news. 

After we discussed the scan results, I asked my Dr some questions and shared my concerns about my anxiety. It was hard for me to show my weakness, but I trust her 110%. I've been struggling the last few months and think I need some help. Perhaps I tried to hide it because it's not something I dealt with pre-diagnosis, I'm not sure, but it's an issue and I want it figured out. Everyone says things like "you're so strong" or "you inspire me" so the last thing I want is to let people down but ultimately I can't let myself down. 

The highs and lows of anxiety are terrible so I need to figure out an every day fix and not just a temporary one. A lot of the "in the moment" medications mean you can't drive and I need to be mobile and remain somewhat sane. I'm no nut job after all....or am I?  So we reached a decision that I'll meet with a phychiarist who'll help evaluate my needs. Now let's not get too crazy with the shrink business, he need not go too deep in the vault or judge the fact that I love wearing black and white (with a bold lipstick of course). I'm skeptical but open. I'm willing and ready. 

I said to my friend Carolyn tonight how I think I'm a better person post cancer. She told me I was always a good person, now I've just grown up some and have different values. What used to bother me rolls off my back, and things I shrugged off before are now centre stage. She's bang on, perhaps she should be my shrink and save me some hassle. Maybe we can also hit up a Karaoke Bar and sing some Bee Gees. 

XOXO

#carly2conquercancer

C