Driving long distances is my biggest struggle right now. I get anxious. I see things. I feel things. I kinda freak out. There have been numerous days where I have had to cancel plans as I don't feel I can drive or I get in the car and have to turn around. My anxiety is a result of my Crohn's. If I know there aren't possible pit stops on the way to where I'm going, it's really hard to overcome it. My solution or the way I cope with these moments, is by talking it out. A co-pilot is always a good one or like today I call a friend to help me change my way of thinking.
Today was a day I couldn't turn around. It was a day with no co-pilot. I had to be at Kwantlen in Surrey to complete a typing test for my program application. I drove around the neighbourhood for nearly 10 minutes before calling Carolyn and exiting onto the highway. She told me I could do it. With her motivational speech and the first stretch of highway conquered, I regained my composure, hung up and drove. Icing on the cake is that I exceeded the minimum typing score achieving 55WPM with 92% accuracy.
Every cancer patient gets left with some sort of aftermath, mine just happens to be crappy....literally! I just get so sick of these darn hurdles. I've done everything I was told since day 1 but have days where I just hate it all. I try not to let it get to me as there are so many people not beating cancer, but it does. The amount of pain I had & continue to live with sucks. Why can't I be one of the survivors who can jump back in to life again, especially in a trim pant size? Ugh.... But it is my journey. My new normal.
I'm headed to meet mom in Palm Desert Wednesday AM. I fly out of Bellingham early morning and this is not a drive I can turn around from. I'll download "Hangnig tough" onto my iTunes and play it over & over until it drives me crazy & my fears are conquered yet again. Gotta keep jumping those hurdles!!
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
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