Life is such a beautiful thing yet at times it brings us such sadness and pain. I've gone through so much and I feel stronger in many ways, but lately I'm struggling. I'm struggling with getting back in to life and loving it again.
The Canucks and nail polish have been my entertainment and bring me joy. Going to the store and receiving a compliment on my nails makes me smile. I tell the cashier I did them myself and she says they look like salon nails. Such a small thing, but it's a smile and smiles are sometimes hard to come by. I think everyone knows how much I love the Canucks and I'm so excited that they're in the playoffs. You might have seen the picture of me wearing a flag as a cape, yes it happened!
Cancer has been my job. Every day I woke up & had treatment...that's what I did. It was a weird type of structure within illness and it's now been 33 days since I was told I was cancer free. My job was over, but the recovery still ongoing. My body is still healing from my surgeries, my leg constantly hurts, I'm taking hormones as I'm in early menopause and now I'm dealing with Crohn's. As soon as you're cancer free you go from so much support to very little. Does everyone think it's all over & I'm back to the old me? I'm adjusting but it's hard, the old me is gone, just pieces are left to create a new me. I know the love doesn't stop and that everyone has lives to live, but I just get in these ruts and get lonely.
I need to push myself and I've decided to do this with exercise. In a dream world I'd have a trainer, but in the real world I'll have YouTube. There are some great videos which will be my real life replacememnt. I did go and check out my local gym but wasn't impressed with the facilities or resources. I'm hoping I can stir up some courage and head out for walks. Not being near a restroom is a huge mental block for me, and the preparation has to happen. I'm trying my best to make exercise my new job along with learning more about my food issues and living with Crohn's. I have the time so why not get fit?
I head back to the Cancer Agency Wednesday for my next check up. I know I'm not fully healed but hope to hear I'm still on the right path. My last surgery was in December which is not too long ago so I can't forget that and be hard on myself. I'm still nervous about my cancer coming back so hoping for a clear scan in May to put me at ease.
I love my friends and this is our 40th year so I've taken on planning our celebrations as a PT job. Photos in May and Seattle in September. I recently joined Pinterest for ideas and we will have the best group shot fear you not! Throughout my illness my friends in Calgary came to visit which was so touching, so on the 23rd I'm headed to YYC to visit them. It'll also be the first time away from home since I got sick. I'll be with people I trust and in homes where I'm comfortable, so don't have any real fears and hope it gives me some pep in my step!
Lastly I was asked by another cancer survivor and blogger to post a bit about my journey on his website. He came across my photos via Instagram and we've followed eachother since. I'll write a little blurb and my blog will be linked. Kinda neat! He's done many things to promote his site and has a mass following with a book about to be published.
Please support your Vancouver Canucks especially since they didn't raise ticket prices during the playoffs. The games in Calgary are 90$ more per seat. I'll be in Calgary for game 6 and would love to go (in my cape of course) but too much for my disability blood!
Oh....don't forget to vote on the transportation and transit issues. Super easy to get your ballot sent to you at home and postage paid for return. Everyone complains but doesn't do anything so this is your chance to be involved in a major decision.
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
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