I didn't fear turning 40, if anything I embraced it. Last year on August 16th I was in incredible pain as I turned 39 & was out for dinner with my Uncle B and Aunt Katyann. I was walking with a cane and struggling to sit but happy to be with them and dreaming of life at 40. Here I am 1 year later just home after a birthday dinner with one of my best friends Erynn, in no pain and cancer free, but instead knowing my limits of my new normal. Gone are the days of stuffing yourself full of amazing food at an amazing restaurant and instead bringing home left overs for later. There was no cake or sparklers but really why do I need that? Life is my sparkler and my loved ones my candles.
Today, August 18th, marks 1 year since starting chemotherapy. I remember being so scared at last years birthday dinner of what was to come and this year I celebrated how things are and how far I've travelled along this cancer journey. Erynn and I spoke of the future, some great memories of the past and how to bridge them going forward. Sounds so easy to do but really it's harder than one might think.
There will always be anniversaries of diagnosis dates, treatment dates and cancer free dates. A day I had surgery or a day I struggled, but now I need to figure out how to make these anniversaries mean something and move forward. I look forward to seeing where I am at 41 to see what good I've put back in to the world after a horrific experience. At times I've found myself being harsh in self judgement and tend to think I'm the same woman I was pre-cancer, but in reality I am not the same woman. Struggle doesn't mean we have to be worse off it can also make us better, the road along the way may just have more speed bumps.
This weekend I'm celebrating my 40th birthday. My closest family and friends will all be in one space and I'm really excited to sit back and watch them all interact. I don't need this party to be about me, I just need it to be about us. Family and friends who would move the world for each other, who have moved the world for each other, and will continue to do so. My only want is for no tears, but at least they'd be tears of joy and love....I am my fathers daughter!
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
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