Lose The Booze

You may recall that last year I participated in a fundraising campaign for BC Cancer called 'Lose the Booze'. I've signed up again and losing the booze, or as I like to say 'wine time', for 28 days. If you'd like to donate,  go to www.losethebooze.ca and search my name. The money isn't just for one cancer which I think it so great, as all cancer types deserve a shot at a cure. Guess you know I'll be the DD so let me know if you need a lift!

Over the last few days I've been reading over my blog starting from my first entry, and besides random spelling errors (I blame my meds) was liking what I read. It's almost like I'm a stranger reading someone else's words which is kinda cool. I was reminded that my anxiety started way earlier than I remember and laughed and some of my jokes.

I miss writing. A definite positive from my cancer journey was discovering my love for writing.  So in saying that I'm trying to think of something to write about. A whole other topic. Maybe a cancer advice column like I first thought. Not too sure. I just want to write.  Maybe a book? Who knows, but I'm thinking.

A day in the life of Carly is pretty tame these days. Working and happy. Anxiety still runs strong but I cope. Pretty boring really. Oh & Simba forges on. Was a bit worried he was using his last of 9 lives around Christmas, but with a fattier diet he's back to waking me up pre-alarm and greeting me with meows (cause he wants wet food) when I walk in the door.

This blog now sits at 64,245 views. I remember when it was 800 lol. Thank you for reading & sharing this crazy journey with me. Would you read my column or buy my book ha ha ha

Lots of love!

XOXO

C

#carly2conquercancer

Let's Talk

Today was #BellLetsTalk day in Canada, a day bringing forth awareness to mental issues.  It's such a great campaign but I got to admit I used to think it was awareness for the "crazies".  Call me ignorant, but I used to picture what we'd classify as "nutty people", people who talked to themselves on street corners or maybe even addicted to drugs. Full circle moment for me over the last couple years as I have become one of those people who talks to themselves but fear not am not addicted to drugs 👍

As I was going through my cancer battle anxiety came to the forefront and I struggled, and still struggle post cancer. I used to think it was chemo or radiation that made me "nutty" and it kinda is what brought it on, but it's so dang hard to say goodbye to.  Anxiety is a huge struggle for many people and a type of mental issue getting lots of attention. During treatment I needed medication as I could hardly sit still, after treatment I needed medication as I feared not sitting still and now, although off all anxiety medications, talk to myself and consider myself "nutty".  Every morning I have a routine to follow just to get out of the house (I won't bore you with those details) and as I walk to my car for my 3 minute commute to work, repeat over and over "YOU CAN DO THIS CARLY...YOU CAN DO THIS!"  

Many high profile people such as Canadians Jann Arden or Melissa Grelo from Canadas talk show 'The Social', have acknowledged they too have had anxiety issues.  It comforts me that it's become socially acceptable to talk of our struggles and get support from people you love or even perfect strangers who may read your blog, a new mutual friend or even off of social media. Many people struggle and choose to keep their battle hidden, but I choose to talk it out, to rid of it in the tough moment, and to feel like a champion when I do what I was setting out to do. 

There's so much going on in this world that it's easy to let it affect you. Surrounding ourselves with positivity and people who support us is so so important, but sometimes easier said than done. I wish the best for everyone who struggles and hope that they too can conquer one day at time..that's all we have until the next day comes. "YOU CAN DO THIS...you can do this..."

XOXO

#carly2conquercancer

C

HNY

It's insane to me that we just rang in the year 2017. At times I still feel like I was just walking the halls in high school, but then my head shakes itself and all my years of memories coming flooding in. Every Jan 1st, I like many of you, reflect back on some of my best memories and some of my worst. All these memories have made me who I am and brought me to where I am, and call me crazy, I wouldn't change a thing.....well maybe just a couple hair styles!

On this past Dec 18th I woke up and was feeling a lot of abdominal pain and my radiated skin areas were not as per usual. I was on days off so had lots of rest and hoped it was just a one off and things would go back to normal. Unfortunately things only increased and found myself back in the hospital for a 2 day stay.  I was never concerned too much it was cancer related as I'd just had my latest PET scan, but clearly something was wrong and as much as I can handle pain now more than before, I was struggling.

Long story short I had a skin infection which normal non radiated people (sounds funny) could easily fend off, but yours truly could not. A CT scan was ordered to ensure nothing was wrong internally, and blood work came back normal. At my most medicated state my texts and emails were definitely off, and those who received them laughed at my jibberish 😁  Antibiotics and a week off work followed until my swelling was at a point I could stand again. Initially Crohn's was thought to be the cause hence the CT scan in case my intestines were in distress, but yet again cancer side effects were to blame. I'm happy to report I'm pretty much recovered and danced the night away on New Years Eve!

I often wonder if these side effects or one offs will ever stop, but there's just no way to know. Pelvic radiation is/was pretty intense so have to remind myself to slow down sometimes.  I'm not the same even though I like to think I am. I'm sure not the same girl walking the high school halls in her Keds and matching Roots sweater, but I am still me and like to think that's pretty awesome.

I thought I might end this blog a couple months back as it's main purpose was to communicate through my cancer battle. Cancer no longer defines my life but it still is a part my life and of who I am. Checkups still exist every 3 months and one offs clearly still happen, so when updates are there a blog will pop up.

Last February I raised money for the BC Cancer Agency via 'Lose the Booze' and will be doing so again this year. Nice thing about this fundraising is it doesn't take your time you just gotta go online...oh that's catchy! I'll be sure to post a blog closer to Feb 1 with all information if you'd like to help the place who saved my life and hopefully many more.

Wishing you all a happy healthy and fabulous 2017.

XOXO

#carly2conquercancer

C

Meow

I love my cat, we've been together for 16 years, but these meows at 7am need to stop.  My alarm goes off at 8 so it's like a crying child, do you get up and give them what they want (in Simbas' case wet food) or suffer through the the cry and be the boss?  I've chosen a middle, I'm laying in bed writing this blog listening to his meows. By the time I finish it'll be 8, my alarm will go off, and our regular food routine continues having him fed at 8:05. Just a quick side note he has a FULL bowl of kibble, little buggar!

I had a PET scan last Monday and yesterday went in for those results as well as a physical check up.  I'm always anxious on results day, but more so this time as I've heard of more & more people around me being diagnosed or sadly losing their fight. Had I had margins I'd be a little more at ease. Margins refer to the area surrounding your cancer. In most cases when doctors operate, they'll cut around the area to avoid reoccurrence or any unseen cancerous cells. For me that would have meant an extensive surgery involving a colostomy bag and plastic surgery. This is why I go in every 3 months so if any cancer comes back they can catch it ASAP. 

My last few scans have alerted a spot but to say it's cancer isn't right. Basically as long as it doesn't grow, all is ok. This scan showed higher intensity than the last, but no change in size and also could be from my Crohns. Physical checkup was good with no red flags. I'll go back in February for another check up, and then my amazing doctor will decide if a biopsy is needed which means a day surgery. I'm so impressed with how on top of things she is and since day one felt totally cared for by her & everyone at the cancer agency. Funny thing, today marks 2 years ago having my tumour removed!

I've now been back to work for just over 3 months and time has flown by. I remember just hoping I could stand and here I am running a store and a team for a great company who's supported me with kindness and grace. If you're ever in the Tsawwassen Mills mall please swing by Mavi and say hello. Just the other day a friend of my moms who I'd never met did just that. It was great to meet her and lovely to know she reads this blog. 

I'm really happy right now. Life is pretty much back to normal except for my hot flashes, so my doctor increased my daily dose ha ha. After my PET scan they asked if I was cold and hot, I replied "that was just my hot flashes you saw". Pretty funny hey. 

I hope everyone has a fabulous holiday season, an even better 2017. Where has the time gone, gosh so much has happened these last 2 years. I thank you for your love and support and send it right back your way. Funny how I started this blog with Simba meowing and now he's laying across my arms as I type..little buggar indeed!

XOXO

C

#carly2conquercancer

Thankful

It's 10pm and I'm in pyjamas laying in bed which funny enough, is where I write best. I came to realize I haven't written an entry since late August!  A couple months ago I would have still been up watching tv & somewhat down emotionally.  I wouldn't say I was in a depression as I hate to use the term loosely, but I was in a funk.  I call it the "cancer perguatory" where you aren't fully recovered but you're cancer free and living life somewhat normally again. I wanted to work but was scared, not sure if I had value to bring, not sure if I could simply do it.  But with support from those who love me most and my amazing doctors, I put myself out there again but it was one of the hardest decisions I'd made in a long time. I never had to decide to fight cancer, I just did since I had to, but trying to get life back was so hard. 

I'm so thankful that I did. I can say with every ounce of me that I'm happier than I was even possibly before my battle.  I've lost all my cancer weight and even some extra, I love my job, love the community of Tsawwassen and my newest crew members. How can I, how am I, so lucky to be here when so many others aren't. I've learned to not think this way too much as it can really get you down, I've learned it's ok to live again. I truly love my life and those in it.

Mom and I went to NYC a few weeks back after seeing family in Ontario. It was to see Jimmy Fallon, a man who helped me laugh when all I could do was scream. He doesn't know me but he sure helped me. As he ran up the stairs I luckily got a high 5 and almost melted. Pretty full circle moment for me and being with my mom who's been my rock since day 1. We explored the city, saw the sights, musicals and hopped on and off the bus. Wouldn't call it my favourite city I've ever seen but I can say it was my favourite time with mom over the last 3 years. 

My Mavi store in Tsawwassen Mills is open and I'm still kicking. My pelvis sore and the limp still strong, but I frickin did it.  My team loves me and those who guide me through the Mavi ways inspire me. As a result of walking in NYC and working my knee swelling is going down. I no longer walk stairs 2 feet at a time. I'm completely off all cancer and anxiety medications (which were making me a little crazy & shake) only taking meds to balance my hormones and Crohns. 2 years ago I was on so many meds in so much pain and now I'm here, truly remarkable. 

Sitting around the table with 13 Allens this Thanksgiving made me smile. How close I was to not being at that table and there I was bickering with my brother like the old days. I wouldn't give up those brother moments for anything. 

I now wake up 2 hours earlier each day and run a bath. I no longer want to feel rushed or stressed first thing, I want to feel calm and happy and a hot bubble bath sure makes the happy list.  I make my lunch, go to work and train my team, try to not exceed my hours worked, remembering if I can do it tomorrow to do just that. When you're told you might die, missing an email or not getting all those boxes unpacked sure isn't important and instead can be important the next day. I jokingly tell my team that if I, a recent stage 3 pelvic radiated chemo induced surgery prone lady can do it, they can do it too!

Be thankful. Act thankful. Feel thankful. 

XOXO

#carly2conquercancer

C

Workin' girl

Yes my friends, I'm a working girl again! Honestly, I didn't think this time would come. I wanted it to, but didn't think it would. After a handful of interviews and an offer turned down, I accepted the position of Store Manager for Mavi Jeans. They are my new fit, my new beginning. 

I had some criteria in order to return to work, with working close to home at the top of the list. A new mall is being constructed across the way (called Tsawwassen Mills) so seemed an obvious choice. At first I wasn't sure if I'd return to retail after my last experience, but it is what I do and my experience strong. After researching companies and their core values, I applied to MAVI JEANS. A week later an offer was presented, accepted and started work on Monday.

My body is not happy with me right now after being off work for 2.5 years. Obviously it was of good reason, but my feet care not. I limped home day 1 and after day 4 didn't have to change shoes mid day! My biggest obstacle week 1 are my knees. Since I had lymph nodes removed from my groin, blood circulation isn't the same. My knees are almost always swollen. The optimistic me hopes the movement helps my knees long term and after a couple weeks this will improve. 

I'm very impressed with the company and people thus far. They know my journey and welcome it to our relationship. This is what I wanted. A company who cares, really cares, and a company I'll do my best for in thanks.  For those of you who know I always wear dresses, the tides are turning. I've gotten a great first pair and look forward to more. Now to get in jean shape as they're my new fit. 

XOXO

C

#carly2conquercancer

41

I was 39 when diagnosed with stage 3 cancer & today turn 41. This time 2 years ago I'd had lymph nodes removed and in 1 weeks time would start chemo and radiation.  My uncle and aunt took me to dinner as I was too sick to be away with visiting relatives from South Africa.  I remember thinking I'd soon see the end, boy was I wrong. 

I always thought after treatment I'd bounce back and be good to go. In many ways "recovery" has been harder for me than treatment. With treatment you know there's an end date, you'll either live or die. My recovery journey seems to have no end. My pelvis always hurts, my bladder is weak, anxiety runs fierce, I shake, I take meds to hold off menopause, swollen knees, bathroom issues and food issues. 

The first year I couldn't move much so now I move when I can. Sometimes easier than others, but  told myself to step out of my boundaries & train my mind and body.  Going to the beach seems an easy task, but for me involves mind control and pit stops along the way. It's a free venue so might as well get out and conquer.  I recently gofled but on a team as I can't do it all. Yes these things are fun but know they are also lessons. 

I'm ready to enter the workforce again, but easier said than done. No doubt employers have passed on me since I'm a survivor. I've shared my status up to now but it may be time to stop. I would never apply for a job I couldn't do, so hopefully I find the right fit. My recovery side effects can take a back seat and allow me to grab the reigns. 

Who knew I'd be in this position at 41 but the optimism in me is ready for my new beginning. I think I'll be a better employee & a better boss because of all this. Stay tuned!

XOXO

#carly2conquercancer

C