Yet again...

If I really look around me, I see things often come in 2's. 2 people out for a drink, 2 lanes on the road, heck even 2 shows recording simultaneously on your PVR (well at least at my place as I like a lot of shows).  So I guess it's no different for me and cancer. One tough fought battle wasn't enough, now a 2nd shows itself.

My PET scan results were received at BC Cancer today.  I was informed I have a tumour measuring 4cm x 5cm. This tumour is left from my original cancer aka Big Kahuna (tumour was named early) but is pretty much in the same vicinity. Same symptoms but since I've already been treated with radiation and chemo, a 2nd treatment has been decided. This means I will be curing myself of cancer with an aggressive and extensive Colostomy surgery. 1 groin lymph node also shows cancer so it too will be treated surgically.  I already have a scar on my right groin and here's the 2nd, at least each side will match, gotta balance it out! Does this mean a 2nd tattoo on my other wrist perhaps? Hmmmmm

So life sucks sometimes. Yes I'm saying it, but there's zero I can do about it. Obviously I'll have terrible days... who are we kidding, but I'm not going to allow cancer to kill me. I will wear my bag aka Winnie (Ref Winnie the Pooh c/o cousin Crissy & John) with pride. It's the only way I'll stay alive, if the cancer spreads there's no 2nd chance. What journey Winnie brings forth is yet to show itself but I have faith it'll make sense.

January 3rd I meet with my doctors to hear the exact surgery date this January and more detailed specifics. I have a fairly good understanding of what's going to happen, my physical changes, my emotional needs etc. It will be different than the first round but in many ways I feel more prepared for round 2.   It's going to be long & tough but with you all in my corner I no doubt with KO cancer a 2nd time!

XOXO

C

#carly2conquercancer

Again?

Today was my checkup and PET scan day at the Cancer Agency. As usual I wore an outfit which require I need not change in to a gown and had a fierce red lip, Russian red from MAC to be specific. Some patients have a lucky blanket, a hat or even a shirt....my armour is lipstick. It makes me feel like I'm masking my worry or anger.  

When I finally saw a specialist back in July of 2014, I really only expected to hear I had a cyst.  Instead she told me a biopsy was needed. 5 days later my cancer journey began. Today I told the doctor of my recent (past 6 months) discomfort and location and heard the same result. A biopsy of a lesion near my rectum is needed. We didn't have enough time in the moment as my PET scan was scheduled right after, so I'm back next Wednesday to be seen and evaluated. 

As the doctor came and went out of the room, tears started to roll down my cheeks as I lay there remembering that first diagnosis. Am I going through this again???  Being diagnosed a possible 2nd time doesn't worry me as much as the pain that comes with it. The tears were shed remembering the agony I endured. I do not want to go back to this place. I do not want cancer again. 

I currently have a mass or lesion that causes uncomfortableness with sitting and general movement. The more I move, the more I hurt. I'm on my feet all day for work so when I come home I feel broken and sore. This needs to stop.  We discussed pain management today but none are real options at the moment. I've been down this road before where the meds bring forth constipation, drowsiness and not being able to drive. None are good for me at the moment, so Tylenol is my BFF until this is sorted out. 

The PET scan went well but I just couldn't ignore all these feelings. I relax in a room while the dye circulates my body for 45 min & listen to music. I had to turn It off as every song spoke of death or pain, or struggle. I then lay down on the bed that rises up to go through the tunnel my arms crossed behind my head, the warm hospital blanket on top of me.  During the scan you have to remain very still but I couldn't hold back the tears. I closed my eyes and tried to visualize a happy time but instead saw me in this machine 3 years ago. I didn't move during the scan but did leave traces of my Urban Decay eyeliner and mascara!  

I'm lucky my family and friends were so supportive tonight via phone and in person. Although they can't fully understand what I'm feeling, they too don't want this cancer coming back. It affects us all. They know how scared I am of what further treatment and surgeries could do to me. But I have no choice really. Whatever the scan and biopsy may show I'll keep fighting. I'm just scared I have little fight left in me. When you struggle every single day for 3.5 years it just gets old and tiring. 

So here we are again, waiting for more results and more tests. Seems like I never left that place, and in many ways I don't think I ever will. I have to get better when 'again' moments come up but darn it it's hard. It's so much easier to say goodbye than it is to say see you again. 

XOXO

C

#carly2conquercancer

Wonder Woman

I found myself on the couch tonight watching the movie 'Wonder Woman'.  There are 2 reasons why, the first being that a bestie of mine (who will remain nameless lol) saw it in theatres without me when it was first released. The second is because I've been struggling of late and needed some wonder power in my life.

For the last few weeks or so, I've been feeling a lot of pressure similar to the that I felt upon diagnosis 3.5 years ago. Back then I had no idea that I had cancer but the pain got worse and worse over time as I waited for specialists who finally discovered I didn't just have a cyst. Now let's not get too carried away, I don't think it's the same today as it was then. I just had a check up last month and have my next PET scan in December with no red flags thus far. I'm just uncomfortable and maybe I'll always have theses types of boughts or aches but man it makes me angry and sad.

It's easy to catch yourself thinking of the what ifs as reoccurrence with this awful disease is unfortunately common. As much as I've beaten the odds and remain happy and positive I still hold so much anger. I'm angry it happened. I'm angry I struggle to ride a bike. I'm angry stairs are hard to climb. I'm angry I'm in pain. But then the positives come out. I'm thankful to be alive. I'm thankful to be a better person. I'm thankful for the lessons I've learned.

I was chatting with a lovely customer the other day. In our conversation I mentioned how the post cancer life is so much harder than people think. I've said this before but it's so true. Unless you've been there you just don't get it. I've seen posts of a celebrity who battled cancer and won. Great news for her. However most of her posts show (in my opinion) an unfair image of cancer. She often shared dance class videos, what I would have done to be able to dance during it all. I guess what I'm trying to say is not one journey is the same. Cancer, or just illness in general, has no face. I have two cousins who struggle with Rheumatoid Arthritis and they too look "normal". So maybe we need to stop wanting to see the struggle and better support it.

Yes Wonder Woman is a fictional character, but you gotta love how she fights for love and everyone around it.  She was also in tip top shape and had majestic powers, but you get my drift!  My wonder powers are Ativan and loved ones (ha ha ha) but man I need to bring my Wonder Womam out more often. How easy it is to get caught up in daily throws or trivial things, but it's because they're easy. It's easy to make a bubble (I've totally done that) and feel safe.

My goal for tomorrow is to do my list of wonderful things. Some physical and some basic. I keep forgetting to buy olive oil at the grocery store & I've been putting off the gym because of this pain. So tomorrow I'll get the oil & I'll go the gym. I'll just scale down my treadmill elevation and then I'll cook me & the nameless bestie one heck of a meal. Stay wonderful people...it's the only way!

XOXO

C

#carly2conquercancer

Contributions

I often find myself thinking about what my contributions are in life. Maybe it's because in today's world we know, or at least it feels like we know, what everyone's up to. I'm not saving the world, I'm not running a country, I'm not a famous actor, I'm not the coach of the Canucks. So what or who am I?

Life is a smorgasbord of emotions and we're so quick to get sad, or angry...just generally stressed out. Someone calls in sick at work, you've broken up with your partner, maybe I'd like to be taller and have curly hair. The options are endless. But why can't I/we see the great things about us, our lives, our contributions?  It's so easy to get down and not so easy to get back up. I always say "it can be worse" and it's so true. 

Look around and step outside of you for just a moment and you'll see it'll be ok. Maybe you see a person living with an incredibly hard disability doing something you take for granted. I saw a young lady on TV recently who was the sole survivor of a plane crash incredibly burned sing live on TV for millions. I was in tears. Here I am complaining about my thyroid or my sore pelvis and here she was showing herself to most of the world. Pretty inspiring moment. 

I've been a fairly positive person since the day I was born.  I always tried to see the better in people, the brighter side and to be kind. Every once and a while I'll find myself wrapped up in the throws of life and take a step back and remind myself life is really too short. Surround yourself with people who cause you no stress but instead laughter. Go to work happy no matter how hard it may be that particular day. 

Contributions can be small, they don't have to be grand and on a world scale.  The way we treat someone at work, in the grocery store or just holding a door for someone. Be less quick to judge but more quick to support.  In saying all this life can really be hard at times. I've felt it. You've felt it. I'm just choosing to move forward seeing the great more than then bad and to live. Simple really but oh so true. 

I like to think my contributions are making someone smile and maybe teaching someone how to shoulder dance. It's my thing. LOL. Bopp those shoulders in your chair, no need for a dance floor! Also I think my contributions continue to unfold, every day is a new day and more experiences to come. Maybe one day I will be a world leader or famous actor or the coach of the Canucks, but until them I'm fine being me. 

XOXO

C

#carly2conquercancer 

Negatives=positives

Remember when you were young and your grandparents or parents would say things like "always look on the bright side" or "turn that frown upside down"? Well gosh darn it they were right!  I used to roll my eyes or probably walk away whispering to my buddy that they were crazy but now find myself saying exactly those things to my staff, young ones in my life or a friend going through a hard time. 

Since I last wrote over a month ago now, lots has come about or guess I should say turned around. I've had ups and downs with health, career, friends and just overall life. My last PET scan warned my doctors that my thyroid wasn't working and showed it could be cancerous. I was so tired at one point I couldn't get out of bed and thought I may be seriously sick again. The symptoms were so much like those I experience during my initial diagnosis I began to worry. I missed work, had zero energy, and was even slightly depressed. 

Blood work and 2 biopsies have since followed revealing I have a hypo thyroid my levels so out of whack it was hardly working. A normal persons TSH reading should be 0.4-3.8 and mine was 31.6. I'm taking medication to get the levels back to where they should be, it still isn't quite there but huge improvement to where I wouldn't fall asleep typing an email! My last biopsy was just yesterday and this one hurt a lot more than the last, but it has to be done and really I've been through 10x worse. I've been told these biopsies will continue every few months as they need to keep a close watch. As long as it comes back benign each time, were good!

It's been a just over a year since I returned to work, and I've loved my time with Mavi. Unfortunately they've decided not to renew their lease come Sept 30th, so I'll be joining another company in the same mall and will be sure to tell you more about it once it begins. Mavi has been very good to me and I've worked very hard to thank them. I'll miss my denim fashion shows with customers but will maintain great relationships with those I've met along the way. If you don't have Mavi jeans in your closest you really should as the quality & comfort is hard to beat. 

I continue to do my best at surrounding myself with those that lift me up and not those who drag me down. I was away for a week on a road trip from Hope to Calgary seeing some of those exact people. I take pride in my friendships near and far and loved being on the open road listening to oldies, wind or AC blowing on my face driving though the mountains. It was my first solo trip post cancer and I had a few moments of anxiousness but turned that negative to a positive and kept on going. Every turn on this road of life just keeps me inspired...keeps me alive...keeps me positive. 

XOXO

C

#carly2conquercancer

3

Three years ago today I was told I had stage 3 cancer.  I'll be very honest with you that on that day I couldn't see this far ahead. My head was spinning, my eyes were crying, my life was changing. 

I had my biopsy on the Monday and it was now a Friday, my pain so fierce I could hardly move. My OBGYN told me privately and my mom got the news on the other side from I think a nurse. It's kind of blurry but I just remember telling the doctor to make sure my mom was ok.  My doctor who was a lovely woman around my age cried with me, hugged me and was so amazing that a week later I sent her a thank you card. I had been misdiagnosed twice before so I finally had someone in my corner. That day she had me getting scans within a couple hours. I've never seen her since as she was relieving another doctor who was on leave, but if I was to see her again I would no doubt hug her and thank her for being one of the first people to help save me. 

After the news we had to walk through the waiting room which was full of pregnant women and children. I have no idea if these patients knew why we were upset, but I remember thinking that will never be me. I'll never have children. I hadn't been told that yet but I knew deep down. A week later I was told my reproductive system would no longer work post treatment as my radiation and chemo combination would be fierce. There was a slight chance they could "freeze my eggs" but I was nearly 39 very single and would need a surrogate to carry. I chose not to freeze and to just accept my new path. Heck I'm nearly 42 now and in the same predicament so I'm fine with my choice. I never saw myself as a mature mother. 

Calling people you love and telling them you're sick is so hard.  Mom and I sat in the car and called my dad and brother with tears rolling down our cheeks. I can only imagine how hard it was for them as they were at work at the time. I can't recall who called my uncle and aunts but it all happened. Maybe emails. I dunno but over the next few days news was out. My cousin lived nearby so we hung out at her place as we waited for the call to get a scan. Again mostly a blur but feel like I tried to be strong for my mom. She's a tough cookie but no parent wants their child to be in pain and sick. My cat scratches his face and the polysporin comes out let alone if I had a human!

So here we are 3 years later. So much has happened from surgeries, chemo, radiation, hyperbaric, anxiety, Crohn's disease and a mild limp but man I still say it was all a blessing. I'd never want to go through it again, but the amount of love I felt was unreal. I still have every card you sent me, a scrapbook, cute notes and even pill bottles. I think I can toss the pill bottles though as clearly I'm not making a neat DIY project out of them like I thought I would 😆 

I've often been asked what my biggest lesson learned has been. I can't narrow it to just one but I will say this. Don't take illness as a way to show people you care. Make the time to send an email, a card, a phone call as life really is short. Of course the troops will rally when a war shows itself, but until then enjoy the peace and enjoy each other. 

I'm feeling lucky so today I'm going to buy a lotto ticket with as many numbers having a 3 that I can get. I'm not a big lotto ticket buyer but this could be my day but if I win don't show me as much love as you did when I was fighting cancer ha ha ha. Kidding, you know I'll throw one heck of a party!

XOXO

C

#carly2conquercancer

🎶push it...push it real good...🎶

No matter the genre of music you listen to, I'm hoping you know the group in which my blog title comes from today. The rap/hip hop all female group 'Salt N Pepa' was formed in the 80's & was playing strong on music stations and most of our Walkmans in the 90s. I can still hear that song in my head as if my SONY earplugs never left my ears with my Walkman clipped on to my Big Star Jeans (brand of choice back then). 

I've been doing a lot of thinking these last couple days and I really need to start pushing myself. As much as I feel like laying in bed until my thyroid balances out and my energy comes back, I can't...I need to push and that means hitting up my gym. It doesn't seem a hard task to walk the 300 yards to the gym but it's so darn easy to lay on the couch or in my case yesterday, mop the floors. Like who would chose moping over the gym. To my credit though the floors needed to be cleaned and I bought a nice new wood floor cleaning product I really wanted to try out. Yes I know my joy of cleaning is odd, and even more odd is the mess of piles of clothes in my room getting neglected. They need to be hung...common now Carly push yourself to do it. Don't just close the door 🚪 ha ha 

After my 11 hour work day Friday which in itself is pushing it, I have 3 days off to go to the gym, clean my room and maybe even throw out a lamp I've hidden on my patio for some time now. Can I put it in the bin...that really might be pushing it, maybe I'll just leave it along side it hoping for the best come Monday pick up!

I've got a cute day planner which is feeling left out so I'm going to push myself to use it every day and assign a simple task that's pushing me in some way. Pushing it could mean golfing with my brother, wait no that's just unrealistic, although I'd like to ride on a turf chopper. Feel free to check out his Instagram turf_chopper.  He's definitely been pushing himself of late & I'm super proud of him. He's following his passion making it into a dream so keep riding bro, or as he says channeling his Tim the tool Man Taylor  "Shane here for Turf chopper...". My parents definitely have some outgoing push forward children. But I swear I can be shy. Believe it!  Don't push me tho lol 

Totally non related to this blog post, my cat is trained to sleep on a towel. I have towels placed on my couch and bed. He's frickin amazing and smart. End scene & high five to me for being an awesome furrmommy who started pushing that at a young age. 

I'd love to hear your stories of how you're pushing yourselves. Could be anything small to big. But if you do create a push list don't forget to download Salt N Pepa and blast that sound. You know it's already on my playlist. You must also know it's currently stuck in my head more than ever and I'm about to go to sleep. Might be pushing it tonight and need a sleeping pill to counter attack!

XOXO

C

#carly2conquercancer

This just in...

At 2:20pm my mobile phone rang. Usually my ringer is off, but with the expected results call from the Cancer Agency it was on. Caller ID shows it's them and I answer the call, no doubt looking a little worried. I made it clear they were fine to call me vs me having to come in to hear the results. This isn't my first rodeo, let's lasso this bull and carry on already. 

Great to hear NONE of the biopsies showed cancer, but not great to hear that my thyroid biopsy bruise will continue to look like a hickey for a while yet!  💋 The thyroid tissue tested showed no evidence of cancer but does shows uncertainty which means another biopsy to follow in 3 months. I'm now on thyroid medication to get my TSH levels in check, metabolism moving and energy on the upswing. 

The biopsies from the colonoscopy (colon & ileum) also show no evidence of cancer but do show my Crohn's has become more aggressive. I'm now taking a steroid 3x daily with food, so meal prep is super important for me moving forward. Sounds easy but it's tough when you have limits of what you can eat. A salad would be one of the worst things I could eat but steamed or cooked veggies are fine. I laughed when I saw the "take with food" instructions on the pill bottle, but it'll force me to get more creative and not starve or store food which is how I've been coping for quite some time. Chef Crohnie Carly was born tonight as I made Crohn's friendly food, it ready to go in my fridge for work tomorrow. Day 1 ✔️ Day 2 TBD! 😳

Recovery road post cancer and living with Crohn's is interesting really. Being a single woman in her 40s (gulp) my life updates are on a different level than others. Most people post on Facebook about their kids or significant others and I bitch about a salad! Everyone has their version of life & this is mine. Doesn't stop me from good hair styles though, nothing can do that, but interesting how we all have our thing. I chose to write about it because let's be honest my cat just isn't a good enough conversation holder, and honestly it's a part of who I am and who I've become. I'd rather complain about raw veggies than a raw ex-husband!

So long story short folks, you're stuck with me yet again. This just in...

XOXO

C

#carly2conquercancer

Say what??

Well.... it's been a while since I last wrote and that's for many reasons. I was doing well health wise, was happily working and wasn't sure how to continue my passion for writing when the original cause was pretty much gone. I had some conversations with relatives and friends about how much I loved writing and some ideas did come up but along with those ideas a few health bumps have come forward as well. 

Up until Feb/March I was riding high feeling really good. I was thriving in pretty much all aspects but started to feel Crohn's side effects, severe fatigue and even discomfort. Often I'd just shrug it off as I've been told my new normal is something I have to learn to push through, so I did, but it was harder than before. Not wanting to complain and be considered the "sick girl" I struggled mostly silent except sharing with those closest to me or when necessary at work. 

Jump to May and my routine PET scan came about. Previous scans have been good so off I go in a matching sweatsuit (Canucks hoodie matched my Mavi sweats) and get through the scan as per usual. I wasn't able to connect with my oncologist until month end and having not recieved a phone call, thought no news is good news. Good news is my cancer HAS NOT returned to its original spot and Dr Lee is confident if it was to, it would have by now.  Awesome I said. But then she explained a couple more things. 

Remember that alien I spoke of throughout my battle?  Well apparently it's grown in size and the PET scan image showed activity. It's now 6cm x 3cm. Say what???  OK I said, what's the plan of attack?  Well wait there's another area that lit up too, your thyroid. Say what??  Imaging shows it to be approximately 14mm in size.  My cool collected inner voice is now freaking out although I remain calm with my doc so I can collect all information to properly understand. So basically you're still cancer free, but 2 areas are of concern and need to be checked out.  Off I went to the 3rd floor for blood work. 

Another memory lane moment as I handed my slip to the check-in for blood work.  I tend to faint and even had the crash cart called on me once during treatment, so asked they lay me down just in case!  So we did and she got the sample without complication. The next day Dr Lee calls me and advised normal TSH readings vary from 0.3 to 4.8. Mine was an astounding 31.6!  This is a hypo thyroid which means my metabolism is totally out of whack & slow and my energy levels way down. Seems some of my symptoms I was trying to push through were now making sense. An ultrasound has been ordered and pending ultrasound results a possible biopsy. 

While all this is developing I already had a scheduled colonoscopy for the following Tuesday.  Tuesday comes and my gastro dr doesn't seem to really know where this alien is! I told them all about it pre-op but I'm still confused as to what happened. When I was coming out of sedation mode I could hardly tell you my middle names let alone what he was saying. I did hear 2 biopsies were done. I'm calling his office tomorrow to hopefully get a better idea as I'm a tad confused. He has prescribed me a sterioid to help with my Crohn's and also a treatment regime to rid the fistula I unfortunately have and can feel. But let's move on from that ok lol

I'm trying to be humorous Carly with a funny pain in the ass joke, but for real I'm struggling. My energy is so low lifting my arm is a chore. I can hardly get out of bed and I share it with a skinny old cat!  My hope and prayer is that these complications are just that and with proper medication are easily manageable. I won't tell you my mind hasn't wandered down the cancer road today, it has numerous times and will again tomorrow. Until my results are back I have to try to push through these thoughts but man it's not easy. I had a mini cry with dad as he drove me in today and a bigger cry mixed with anger with mom as she drove me home. Try to find foods that will help my energy but not activate my Crohn's. Try - try - try will become do - do - do, it's just a matter of time. Right?  Right. 

It's now 130 as I wrap up this blog typing in bed in my dark room. My fan always on as I find the old 1980s beaten up fan quite relaxing as background noise. The garden sprinklers just came on. Say what? It's time for bed. 

Missed writing...I'll be back!

XOXO 

C

#carly2conquercancer 

Lose The Booze

You may recall that last year I participated in a fundraising campaign for BC Cancer called 'Lose the Booze'. I've signed up again and losing the booze, or as I like to say 'wine time', for 28 days. If you'd like to donate,  go to www.losethebooze.ca and search my name. The money isn't just for one cancer which I think it so great, as all cancer types deserve a shot at a cure. Guess you know I'll be the DD so let me know if you need a lift!

Over the last few days I've been reading over my blog starting from my first entry, and besides random spelling errors (I blame my meds) was liking what I read. It's almost like I'm a stranger reading someone else's words which is kinda cool. I was reminded that my anxiety started way earlier than I remember and laughed and some of my jokes.

I miss writing. A definite positive from my cancer journey was discovering my love for writing.  So in saying that I'm trying to think of something to write about. A whole other topic. Maybe a cancer advice column like I first thought. Not too sure. I just want to write.  Maybe a book? Who knows, but I'm thinking.

A day in the life of Carly is pretty tame these days. Working and happy. Anxiety still runs strong but I cope. Pretty boring really. Oh & Simba forges on. Was a bit worried he was using his last of 9 lives around Christmas, but with a fattier diet he's back to waking me up pre-alarm and greeting me with meows (cause he wants wet food) when I walk in the door.

This blog now sits at 64,245 views. I remember when it was 800 lol. Thank you for reading & sharing this crazy journey with me. Would you read my column or buy my book ha ha ha

Lots of love!

XOXO

C

#carly2conquercancer

Let's Talk

Today was #BellLetsTalk day in Canada, a day bringing forth awareness to mental issues.  It's such a great campaign but I got to admit I used to think it was awareness for the "crazies".  Call me ignorant, but I used to picture what we'd classify as "nutty people", people who talked to themselves on street corners or maybe even addicted to drugs. Full circle moment for me over the last couple years as I have become one of those people who talks to themselves but fear not am not addicted to drugs 👍

As I was going through my cancer battle anxiety came to the forefront and I struggled, and still struggle post cancer. I used to think it was chemo or radiation that made me "nutty" and it kinda is what brought it on, but it's so dang hard to say goodbye to.  Anxiety is a huge struggle for many people and a type of mental issue getting lots of attention. During treatment I needed medication as I could hardly sit still, after treatment I needed medication as I feared not sitting still and now, although off all anxiety medications, talk to myself and consider myself "nutty".  Every morning I have a routine to follow just to get out of the house (I won't bore you with those details) and as I walk to my car for my 3 minute commute to work, repeat over and over "YOU CAN DO THIS CARLY...YOU CAN DO THIS!"  

Many high profile people such as Canadians Jann Arden or Melissa Grelo from Canadas talk show 'The Social', have acknowledged they too have had anxiety issues.  It comforts me that it's become socially acceptable to talk of our struggles and get support from people you love or even perfect strangers who may read your blog, a new mutual friend or even off of social media. Many people struggle and choose to keep their battle hidden, but I choose to talk it out, to rid of it in the tough moment, and to feel like a champion when I do what I was setting out to do. 

There's so much going on in this world that it's easy to let it affect you. Surrounding ourselves with positivity and people who support us is so so important, but sometimes easier said than done. I wish the best for everyone who struggles and hope that they too can conquer one day at time..that's all we have until the next day comes. "YOU CAN DO THIS...you can do this..."

XOXO

#carly2conquercancer

C

HNY

It's insane to me that we just rang in the year 2017. At times I still feel like I was just walking the halls in high school, but then my head shakes itself and all my years of memories coming flooding in. Every Jan 1st, I like many of you, reflect back on some of my best memories and some of my worst. All these memories have made me who I am and brought me to where I am, and call me crazy, I wouldn't change a thing.....well maybe just a couple hair styles!

On this past Dec 18th I woke up and was feeling a lot of abdominal pain and my radiated skin areas were not as per usual. I was on days off so had lots of rest and hoped it was just a one off and things would go back to normal. Unfortunately things only increased and found myself back in the hospital for a 2 day stay.  I was never concerned too much it was cancer related as I'd just had my latest PET scan, but clearly something was wrong and as much as I can handle pain now more than before, I was struggling.

Long story short I had a skin infection which normal non radiated people (sounds funny) could easily fend off, but yours truly could not. A CT scan was ordered to ensure nothing was wrong internally, and blood work came back normal. At my most medicated state my texts and emails were definitely off, and those who received them laughed at my jibberish 😁  Antibiotics and a week off work followed until my swelling was at a point I could stand again. Initially Crohn's was thought to be the cause hence the CT scan in case my intestines were in distress, but yet again cancer side effects were to blame. I'm happy to report I'm pretty much recovered and danced the night away on New Years Eve!

I often wonder if these side effects or one offs will ever stop, but there's just no way to know. Pelvic radiation is/was pretty intense so have to remind myself to slow down sometimes.  I'm not the same even though I like to think I am. I'm sure not the same girl walking the high school halls in her Keds and matching Roots sweater, but I am still me and like to think that's pretty awesome.

I thought I might end this blog a couple months back as it's main purpose was to communicate through my cancer battle. Cancer no longer defines my life but it still is a part my life and of who I am. Checkups still exist every 3 months and one offs clearly still happen, so when updates are there a blog will pop up.

Last February I raised money for the BC Cancer Agency via 'Lose the Booze' and will be doing so again this year. Nice thing about this fundraising is it doesn't take your time you just gotta go online...oh that's catchy! I'll be sure to post a blog closer to Feb 1 with all information if you'd like to help the place who saved my life and hopefully many more.

Wishing you all a happy healthy and fabulous 2017.

XOXO

#carly2conquercancer

C