Three years ago today I was told I had stage 3 cancer. I'll be very honest with you that on that day I couldn't see this far ahead. My head was spinning, my eyes were crying, my life was changing.
I had my biopsy on the Monday and it was now a Friday, my pain so fierce I could hardly move. My OBGYN told me privately and my mom got the news on the other side from I think a nurse. It's kind of blurry but I just remember telling the doctor to make sure my mom was ok. My doctor who was a lovely woman around my age cried with me, hugged me and was so amazing that a week later I sent her a thank you card. I had been misdiagnosed twice before so I finally had someone in my corner. That day she had me getting scans within a couple hours. I've never seen her since as she was relieving another doctor who was on leave, but if I was to see her again I would no doubt hug her and thank her for being one of the first people to help save me.
After the news we had to walk through the waiting room which was full of pregnant women and children. I have no idea if these patients knew why we were upset, but I remember thinking that will never be me. I'll never have children. I hadn't been told that yet but I knew deep down. A week later I was told my reproductive system would no longer work post treatment as my radiation and chemo combination would be fierce. There was a slight chance they could "freeze my eggs" but I was nearly 39 very single and would need a surrogate to carry. I chose not to freeze and to just accept my new path. Heck I'm nearly 42 now and in the same predicament so I'm fine with my choice. I never saw myself as a mature mother.
Calling people you love and telling them you're sick is so hard. Mom and I sat in the car and called my dad and brother with tears rolling down our cheeks. I can only imagine how hard it was for them as they were at work at the time. I can't recall who called my uncle and aunts but it all happened. Maybe emails. I dunno but over the next few days news was out. My cousin lived nearby so we hung out at her place as we waited for the call to get a scan. Again mostly a blur but feel like I tried to be strong for my mom. She's a tough cookie but no parent wants their child to be in pain and sick. My cat scratches his face and the polysporin comes out let alone if I had a human!
So here we are 3 years later. So much has happened from surgeries, chemo, radiation, hyperbaric, anxiety, Crohn's disease and a mild limp but man I still say it was all a blessing. I'd never want to go through it again, but the amount of love I felt was unreal. I still have every card you sent me, a scrapbook, cute notes and even pill bottles. I think I can toss the pill bottles though as clearly I'm not making a neat DIY project out of them like I thought I would 😆
I've often been asked what my biggest lesson learned has been. I can't narrow it to just one but I will say this. Don't take illness as a way to show people you care. Make the time to send an email, a card, a phone call as life really is short. Of course the troops will rally when a war shows itself, but until then enjoy the peace and enjoy each other.
I'm feeling lucky so today I'm going to buy a lotto ticket with as many numbers having a 3 that I can get. I'm not a big lotto ticket buyer but this could be my day but if I win don't show me as much love as you did when I was fighting cancer ha ha ha. Kidding, you know I'll throw one heck of a party!
XOXO
C
#carly2conquercancer
