First 24

The first 24 hours post-results have been eventful.  I never did have that ugly cry I painted my nails for, but I did have a celebratory Chinese food dinner with my folks which included a good fortune in my cookie.  It said "The current year will bring you much happiness".  How appropriate on such a day. 

I truly believed until I woke up Wednesday AM, that I was due for bad news.  The 5 day countdown was my way of sorting my affairs trying to remain positive and sane.  My scrapbook was done, my drawers all clean (although I did just move), and I had "the talk" with Simba but he just listened and walked away from me.  Gingers are such hot-heads!  When I woke up Wednesday I had a bath, did my makeup, put on a dress & cute purple ankle boots vs the usual baggy sweats and fuck cancer tshirt.  I told myself that no matter what at least I'd look good.  

I've been in pain for a year....almost to the day.  How I functioned on a daily basis in terrible pain for 4 months before being diagnosed I have no idea.  I just did, I had no choice.  I'm speechless and humbled at what this past year has brought me.  It sounds crazy to say this, but I think cancer has been one of the best things to ever happen to me.  I've learned so much about self-worth, courage and strength and just feel like a better person because of it.  I'm not saying I want to go through this over & over again, but I am saying I'm stronger because of cancer. I think my friendships are stronger and I know my family has never been closer. 

As I wrote yesterday I still have some hurdles to jump through and the cancer could come back.  Nobody is really forever cancer free but you are cancer free in that moment.  I was telling my mom that I just want a couple weeks off from being sick.  I've gone from chemotherapy to hyperbaric and everything has done it's job, but I, Carly Allen, need some me time.  Some time to feel alive again, a little more normal....my new normal. 

As I jump over my hurdles one by one, I'll become an even better version of who I was and become who I'm meant to be.  I can't wait to meet her.

XOXO

#carly2conquercancer

C