I can only imagine how couples who are kid-less feel because they'd feel double what I'm feeling. Why is it people have to make everything about kids? You meet someone new at the drugstore, in your building, at work...anywhere, and what do they ask you "how many kids do you have?" When I reply none, the looks and unacceptance can be so hurtful.
For kicks next time someone asks me that question within the first meeting convo, I'm going to say "none of your business" and walk away. 2 years ago a customer asked me this exact question and I replied I had none and she actually said "poor you". Like really, poor me? Cause lady, if I wanted a kid it's not hard to get one, I just wasn't interested. And it's more like poor you with a temper-tantrum kid who's screaming at you all day. Carly 1, Customer 0! Oh and if I did have a kid, it be way better looking than yours! Obviously I said none of this, took her insult, walked away and moved on.
My environment this afternoon was a kids playground with a friend & her son, so obviously the parents talk kids. Totally fine....but when I was asked the kid question & advised I was kid-less, I was told not to give up as she had a baby in her 40s. They just wouldn't let up when I replied "no....can't have any either". A whole fertility conversation started. Like WTF people, it's none of your damn business. I brought out the cancer card telling them I'm no longer fertile & perfectly OK with being an aunt. Ya think that would have shut them up? Nope...now he's telling me his job is creating babies. Dude, can we just talk hockey....please!!!
I want to stress how much I love kids and the little people in my life. I spoil when I can and love doing so, but that's all I need. There was no doubt in my mind my whole life that I would only have kids if I was married. Well, news flash I'm not married! Only one guy really ever made me want to have kids but he and I weren't meant to be, so when they asked me if I wanted to freeze my eggs before treatment I was totally fine saying no.
There's so much going on in this world, but maybe the parents are so busy watching kid TV they don't know what's going on and are dumb so can't talk anything but kids? Yup, that's what I'm going to believe. Heck, maybe I'll meet a dude and be a step-monster to his child, or maybe he too is kid-less mad we get hotter as we age, travel all over & host the best parties.
I must admit I really do want to find Mr Right as I dream of a wedding, of my dress. That's my crutch. If anyone sees Mr Right send him my way will ya...as long as he doesn't want kids LOL
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Monday, March 23, 2015
Deux semaines
Wednesday will be 2 weeks since I heard I'm cancer free. What a couple of weeks it has been or as we say en Francais, deux semaines.
At first it was total elatement to know cancer is currently no longer living in my body. All the chemo, radiation, medications, surgeries and hyperbaric treatment did their jobs killing the cancer. All those tears, the pacing, the aches...everything, was worth it. I'm back, or am I?
The past 13 days came and went & I quickly figured out that I'm not "back" nor am I the same person I was before. Some of these points positive some negative, some harder to handle emotionally and others physically. My brain and total joy of being cancer free tricked me a little, so now I need to adjust. Obviously my personality is still the same, nothing will ever take that away from me, but things like my social abilities and longevity have definitely changed. My nerve pain in my right leg varies according to what I do but I'm hoping with strength exercises it will improve. I have way too many cute heels that I don't want to never wear again as a result of this pain!
I have stepped out to visit some friends and attended a cancer charity event with my brother. When I'm comfortable I manage just fine, but when a problem arises and rattles me I struggle. Things I would have shrugged off before have become more important or more at the forefront. I think it's a combination of what I've been through and also knowing what things should not be taken for granted. I have confidence that with time I'll deal better with these obstacles but nothing happens toute suite!
So after saying that I feel stronger in other ways. I feel that no matter what life throws my way, that I can handle anything. When you have no choice you just handle it and lean on those you can to get through the moment. I think I'm a better person, a better daughter, sister, friend, niece, cousin...a better me. Every night I dream of my future and can't wait to see what will be. Every morning I wake up and take another step forward.
The old saying time heals all wounds really is true, just wish I could speed up the clock a bit! I'll be in my happy place tomorrow night, Rogers arena, and a Canucks win will sure make me and the city feel a lot better!
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
At first it was total elatement to know cancer is currently no longer living in my body. All the chemo, radiation, medications, surgeries and hyperbaric treatment did their jobs killing the cancer. All those tears, the pacing, the aches...everything, was worth it. I'm back, or am I?
The past 13 days came and went & I quickly figured out that I'm not "back" nor am I the same person I was before. Some of these points positive some negative, some harder to handle emotionally and others physically. My brain and total joy of being cancer free tricked me a little, so now I need to adjust. Obviously my personality is still the same, nothing will ever take that away from me, but things like my social abilities and longevity have definitely changed. My nerve pain in my right leg varies according to what I do but I'm hoping with strength exercises it will improve. I have way too many cute heels that I don't want to never wear again as a result of this pain!
I have stepped out to visit some friends and attended a cancer charity event with my brother. When I'm comfortable I manage just fine, but when a problem arises and rattles me I struggle. Things I would have shrugged off before have become more important or more at the forefront. I think it's a combination of what I've been through and also knowing what things should not be taken for granted. I have confidence that with time I'll deal better with these obstacles but nothing happens toute suite!
So after saying that I feel stronger in other ways. I feel that no matter what life throws my way, that I can handle anything. When you have no choice you just handle it and lean on those you can to get through the moment. I think I'm a better person, a better daughter, sister, friend, niece, cousin...a better me. Every night I dream of my future and can't wait to see what will be. Every morning I wake up and take another step forward.
The old saying time heals all wounds really is true, just wish I could speed up the clock a bit! I'll be in my happy place tomorrow night, Rogers arena, and a Canucks win will sure make me and the city feel a lot better!
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Touch base
Hey there. Sorry I haven't written in a few days. I promise a good blog tomorrow.
Hope you had a lovely weekend!
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Lucky charms
We know what St. Patricks day is about right? Green clothing, beer be it green or a pint of Guiness, wearing some beads and just being jolly. I decided to look it up since this year I was none of the above.
Saint Patrick's Day was made an official Christian feast day in the early 17th century and is observed by the Catholic Church, the Anglican Communion (especially the Church of Ireland),[4] the Eastern Orthodox Church, and Lutheran Church. The day commemorates Saint Patrick and the arrival of Christianity in Ireland,[3] and celebrates the heritage and culture of the Irish in general.[5] Celebrations generally involve public parades and festivals, céilithe, and the wearing of green attire orshamrocks.[6] Christians also attend church services[5][7] and the Lentenrestrictions on eating and drinking alcohol are lifted for the day, which has encouraged and propagated the holiday's tradition of alcohol consumption.
I'm gonna assume that not many went to church today, but as a baptized Catholic, I feel better about next year, I'll go to church for ya Patty! Why does Saint Nick get all the attention!!
Today I thought what are my lucky charms and do I believe in luck. I don't know if I believe in luck but I believe in faith and positivity. I think luck is overused because people usually work hard to get what they want be it at work or at home. You don't just wake up lucky with a high power job or a perfect marriage, you work on it. I like to think we create our own luck and it's kind of my new outlook.
I want to see my cancer stay away, when I go back out to work I want to be happy, I want to meet Mr. Right, so I need to help create my luck. It's not going to be as simple as a rainbow with a pot-o-gold under it, it's going to be tough. I'll believe and trust in myself to find my clover in the grass...they are rare, but when found a happy dance comes about.
So cheers to Saint Patrick. He may have given many an easy excuse to party tonight, but he inspired me and my luck will hopefully continue to grow.
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
Saint Patrick's Day was made an official Christian feast day in the early 17th century and is observed by the Catholic Church, the Anglican Communion (especially the Church of Ireland),[4] the Eastern Orthodox Church, and Lutheran Church. The day commemorates Saint Patrick and the arrival of Christianity in Ireland,[3] and celebrates the heritage and culture of the Irish in general.[5] Celebrations generally involve public parades and festivals, céilithe, and the wearing of green attire orshamrocks.[6] Christians also attend church services[5][7] and the Lentenrestrictions on eating and drinking alcohol are lifted for the day, which has encouraged and propagated the holiday's tradition of alcohol consumption.
I'm gonna assume that not many went to church today, but as a baptized Catholic, I feel better about next year, I'll go to church for ya Patty! Why does Saint Nick get all the attention!!
Today I thought what are my lucky charms and do I believe in luck. I don't know if I believe in luck but I believe in faith and positivity. I think luck is overused because people usually work hard to get what they want be it at work or at home. You don't just wake up lucky with a high power job or a perfect marriage, you work on it. I like to think we create our own luck and it's kind of my new outlook.
I want to see my cancer stay away, when I go back out to work I want to be happy, I want to meet Mr. Right, so I need to help create my luck. It's not going to be as simple as a rainbow with a pot-o-gold under it, it's going to be tough. I'll believe and trust in myself to find my clover in the grass...they are rare, but when found a happy dance comes about.
So cheers to Saint Patrick. He may have given many an easy excuse to party tonight, but he inspired me and my luck will hopefully continue to grow.
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Solid ground
For the last 4 days I've been floating on a cloud of happiness. Obviously I'm allowed to be happy but it's time to come back down out of the clouds and onto solid ground.
Before I got sick my friends and I tried to be somewhat routine about getting together. Birthdays and babies were always a given, and then my illness through a hiccup in to the mix. Before my results were known, I invited 9 lovely ladies who are some of my longest and dearest friends, to come over Saturday evening. It could have been a very sad get together but since the results were good everyone was smiling! We planned a girls weekend in Sept to celebrate our 40th birthdays and even chose a date for a group photo shoot like we did for our 30th. One of our funniest moments of the night was playing the game Heads Up. 9 girls yelling clues all at the same time was very funny. If you don't have the game on your iPhone or iPad already I highly recommend you get it. Thank goodness I have a large expandable dinning table to sit all my guests! (wink wink Uncle B)
Monday brings forth the first week since July that I haven't been in some sort of treatment. A milestone but the start of my new health journey. I'm going to see my family doctor at noon to discuss food testing and ways to improve my health on the inside and the outside. If I can continue to remain cancer free and become a better version of my beautiful self that means a new wardrobe....I can already see the cute outfits! Hey, whatever motivates ya right? I win both ways!
I'm going to start small and exercise at home using a medicine ball as there are tons of strengthening exercises I can do at no cost. Until my next round of results and new ways of life come about, working out at home seems to be the most comfortable for me. As time goes by I'm sure I'll spread my wings and venture to a class or 2, but I must remind myself to take things at an easy pace, not over doing it, conquering one day at a time.
I continue to remain upbeat and optimistic but I've got lots ahead of me. I can't wait to see how things turn out and with you all cheering me on how can I not remain positive and continue to thrive.
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
Before I got sick my friends and I tried to be somewhat routine about getting together. Birthdays and babies were always a given, and then my illness through a hiccup in to the mix. Before my results were known, I invited 9 lovely ladies who are some of my longest and dearest friends, to come over Saturday evening. It could have been a very sad get together but since the results were good everyone was smiling! We planned a girls weekend in Sept to celebrate our 40th birthdays and even chose a date for a group photo shoot like we did for our 30th. One of our funniest moments of the night was playing the game Heads Up. 9 girls yelling clues all at the same time was very funny. If you don't have the game on your iPhone or iPad already I highly recommend you get it. Thank goodness I have a large expandable dinning table to sit all my guests! (wink wink Uncle B)
Monday brings forth the first week since July that I haven't been in some sort of treatment. A milestone but the start of my new health journey. I'm going to see my family doctor at noon to discuss food testing and ways to improve my health on the inside and the outside. If I can continue to remain cancer free and become a better version of my beautiful self that means a new wardrobe....I can already see the cute outfits! Hey, whatever motivates ya right? I win both ways!
I'm going to start small and exercise at home using a medicine ball as there are tons of strengthening exercises I can do at no cost. Until my next round of results and new ways of life come about, working out at home seems to be the most comfortable for me. As time goes by I'm sure I'll spread my wings and venture to a class or 2, but I must remind myself to take things at an easy pace, not over doing it, conquering one day at a time.
I continue to remain upbeat and optimistic but I've got lots ahead of me. I can't wait to see how things turn out and with you all cheering me on how can I not remain positive and continue to thrive.
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
Friday, March 13, 2015
First 24
The first 24 hours post-results have been eventful. I never did have that ugly cry I painted my nails for, but I did have a celebratory Chinese food dinner with my folks which included a good fortune in my cookie. It said "The current year will bring you much happiness". How appropriate on such a day.
I truly believed until I woke up Wednesday AM, that I was due for bad news. The 5 day countdown was my way of sorting my affairs trying to remain positive and sane. My scrapbook was done, my drawers all clean (although I did just move), and I had "the talk" with Simba but he just listened and walked away from me. Gingers are such hot-heads! When I woke up Wednesday I had a bath, did my makeup, put on a dress & cute purple ankle boots vs the usual baggy sweats and fuck cancer tshirt. I told myself that no matter what at least I'd look good.
I've been in pain for a year....almost to the day. How I functioned on a daily basis in terrible pain for 4 months before being diagnosed I have no idea. I just did, I had no choice. I'm speechless and humbled at what this past year has brought me. It sounds crazy to say this, but I think cancer has been one of the best things to ever happen to me. I've learned so much about self-worth, courage and strength and just feel like a better person because of it. I'm not saying I want to go through this over & over again, but I am saying I'm stronger because of cancer. I think my friendships are stronger and I know my family has never been closer.
As I wrote yesterday I still have some hurdles to jump through and the cancer could come back. Nobody is really forever cancer free but you are cancer free in that moment. I was telling my mom that I just want a couple weeks off from being sick. I've gone from chemotherapy to hyperbaric and everything has done it's job, but I, Carly Allen, need some me time. Some time to feel alive again, a little more normal....my new normal.
As I jump over my hurdles one by one, I'll become an even better version of who I was and become who I'm meant to be. I can't wait to meet her.
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
I truly believed until I woke up Wednesday AM, that I was due for bad news. The 5 day countdown was my way of sorting my affairs trying to remain positive and sane. My scrapbook was done, my drawers all clean (although I did just move), and I had "the talk" with Simba but he just listened and walked away from me. Gingers are such hot-heads! When I woke up Wednesday I had a bath, did my makeup, put on a dress & cute purple ankle boots vs the usual baggy sweats and fuck cancer tshirt. I told myself that no matter what at least I'd look good.
I've been in pain for a year....almost to the day. How I functioned on a daily basis in terrible pain for 4 months before being diagnosed I have no idea. I just did, I had no choice. I'm speechless and humbled at what this past year has brought me. It sounds crazy to say this, but I think cancer has been one of the best things to ever happen to me. I've learned so much about self-worth, courage and strength and just feel like a better person because of it. I'm not saying I want to go through this over & over again, but I am saying I'm stronger because of cancer. I think my friendships are stronger and I know my family has never been closer.
As I wrote yesterday I still have some hurdles to jump through and the cancer could come back. Nobody is really forever cancer free but you are cancer free in that moment. I was telling my mom that I just want a couple weeks off from being sick. I've gone from chemotherapy to hyperbaric and everything has done it's job, but I, Carly Allen, need some me time. Some time to feel alive again, a little more normal....my new normal.
As I jump over my hurdles one by one, I'll become an even better version of who I was and become who I'm meant to be. I can't wait to meet her.
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Cancer free
This just in, hot off the presses....Carly Allen is cancer-free!
Gosh it felt great to type that sentence but that is just the headline and every headline has a story to go along with it. Here is my new story, my new chapter(s).
The PET scan I had last week came back relatively clear. There is what appears to be a fibroid issue in my uterus but it's stable and no need for concern at this time and the scan showed no current evidence of cancer. I say "current evidence" because I'm still at high risk for reoccurrence since my margins are 1mm & 2mm and my surgeon was hoping for 8mm. As a result of being high risk I'll be monitored every 1-2 months for at least the next year. More scans and doctor exams are necessary to make sure if the cancer does comes back we catch it in time.
I'll remain high risk for shy of 2 years, if cancer stays away then that's fantastic and my odds continue to grow in my favour. If the cancer does come back they'll catch it quick enough to most likely act in time. I'll have the largest surgery to date involving an extreme colostomy. Extreme because of the set backs I had with my last surgery and infection along with the side effects of radiation. Plastic surgery would happen, colostomy bag, abdominal surgery and more. Needless to say the doctors feel my chances are better on a monitored basis than operation at this time. Doesn't look like I'll be meeting Winnie anytime soon! Winnie could do more damage to me than good at this stage and they don't want to risk trauma I can hopefully avoid.
In April I'll undergo a colonoscopy to determine if I have chrones or something of similar nature. 2 weeks later back to see the Dr for a physical exam and in May another PET scan. Cancer needs time to grow and my surgery was just 3
months ago so time will tell.
My Big Kahuna wound is healing well but not quite at 100%, however Friday will be my last hyperbaric treatment. We definitely think that hyperbaric has been a huge part of my healing process and I'll miss seeing those great people. I will not however miss the travel and starvation I felt daily!
I'm not cleared to enter a swimming pool quite yet so won't be joining mom in Palm Springs next week. I will instead be home with dad and meeting with a wellness doctor for blood work and hopefully work out some sort of low fibre low sugar diet. Food and bowels continue to be a large struggle for me and will no doubt take time to figure this out.
Lots of information to wrap up on here but as you read, I'm cancer free however not all healed or done with my journey of wellness. I do however have fantastic blood pressure and nails! To my parents dismay, I'll be getting a tattoo on my left wrist saying "conquer". My first tattoo and forever memory.
Love you all, will be keeping the same hashtag so the journey continues in sequence. Until my 5 year remission hits I continue to fight.
#carly2conquercancer
XOXO
C
Gosh it felt great to type that sentence but that is just the headline and every headline has a story to go along with it. Here is my new story, my new chapter(s).
The PET scan I had last week came back relatively clear. There is what appears to be a fibroid issue in my uterus but it's stable and no need for concern at this time and the scan showed no current evidence of cancer. I say "current evidence" because I'm still at high risk for reoccurrence since my margins are 1mm & 2mm and my surgeon was hoping for 8mm. As a result of being high risk I'll be monitored every 1-2 months for at least the next year. More scans and doctor exams are necessary to make sure if the cancer does comes back we catch it in time.
I'll remain high risk for shy of 2 years, if cancer stays away then that's fantastic and my odds continue to grow in my favour. If the cancer does come back they'll catch it quick enough to most likely act in time. I'll have the largest surgery to date involving an extreme colostomy. Extreme because of the set backs I had with my last surgery and infection along with the side effects of radiation. Plastic surgery would happen, colostomy bag, abdominal surgery and more. Needless to say the doctors feel my chances are better on a monitored basis than operation at this time. Doesn't look like I'll be meeting Winnie anytime soon! Winnie could do more damage to me than good at this stage and they don't want to risk trauma I can hopefully avoid.
In April I'll undergo a colonoscopy to determine if I have chrones or something of similar nature. 2 weeks later back to see the Dr for a physical exam and in May another PET scan. Cancer needs time to grow and my surgery was just 3
months ago so time will tell.
My Big Kahuna wound is healing well but not quite at 100%, however Friday will be my last hyperbaric treatment. We definitely think that hyperbaric has been a huge part of my healing process and I'll miss seeing those great people. I will not however miss the travel and starvation I felt daily!
I'm not cleared to enter a swimming pool quite yet so won't be joining mom in Palm Springs next week. I will instead be home with dad and meeting with a wellness doctor for blood work and hopefully work out some sort of low fibre low sugar diet. Food and bowels continue to be a large struggle for me and will no doubt take time to figure this out.
Lots of information to wrap up on here but as you read, I'm cancer free however not all healed or done with my journey of wellness. I do however have fantastic blood pressure and nails! To my parents dismay, I'll be getting a tattoo on my left wrist saying "conquer". My first tattoo and forever memory.
Love you all, will be keeping the same hashtag so the journey continues in sequence. Until my 5 year remission hits I continue to fight.
#carly2conquercancer
XOXO
C
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Countdown over
I'm writing this blog with fingers stretched out. Not because I think my hands need exercise, but because I just painted my nails. Chanel Rouge is the colour with a beautiful new top coat given to me by Erin L. I thought it was appropriate to have beautiful nails tomorrow to make up for an ugly cry. I'll be crying no matter what the news and at least my nails will look good in the photos! Yup...I plan ahead!
Most of you will see this when you wake up Wednesday AM. My results will be told to me and mom around 3pm. I've asked that everyone please refrain from reaching out to me or my family until we reach out to you. We will reach out and my blog will be up to date by 11pm Wednesday. This will no doubt be a big day and a lot of information to be taken in. We know and thank you for all your love and support.
I feel I'm being very realistic going in to tomorrow so that whatever the result, I'll hear it and understand it. I've always tried to be optimistic but you can't ignore possibilities. My eyes have been open this whole journey and I won't close them now.
My nails are almost dry and I think I'll sip a wee bit of Amaretto toasting to my past and welcoming whatever future is about to reveal itself to me.
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
Most of you will see this when you wake up Wednesday AM. My results will be told to me and mom around 3pm. I've asked that everyone please refrain from reaching out to me or my family until we reach out to you. We will reach out and my blog will be up to date by 11pm Wednesday. This will no doubt be a big day and a lot of information to be taken in. We know and thank you for all your love and support.
I feel I'm being very realistic going in to tomorrow so that whatever the result, I'll hear it and understand it. I've always tried to be optimistic but you can't ignore possibilities. My eyes have been open this whole journey and I won't close them now.
My nails are almost dry and I think I'll sip a wee bit of Amaretto toasting to my past and welcoming whatever future is about to reveal itself to me.
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
Final 2
Well my dear friends, seems that by the time you read this we're down to a 2 day countdown until Wednesday is here and my results are read. It's a big day, almost like I'm getting proposed to or something, ah but no proposal...still single but hopefully ready to mingle!
So far my 5 day countdown has been pretty special in small ways and big ways. Small things like me catching up on some sleep and big things like visits from all sorts of cousins. I say all sorts because I have blood cousins and then I have the Boxing Day cousins. Either way they're all my cousins since we've all been together since birth.
Didn't think I could top off yesterday's big day of golf and a fun family dinner but today was another great day. It started off harsh physically as my body and I were fighting, just not feeling 100%. To take my mind off that, I completed my scrapbook and re-read all the cards sent to me these last 9 months. It was so touching to hear all your voices in each and every card. I've saved them all wrapped in a purple ribbon. I love cards be it on the receiving end or sending and think it's a lost art. I do what I can to keep it alive !
I still wasn't feeling so great so had a nap or as I call it "close my eyes and make it all better" then up & showered for a visit & tea with my cousin Claire.
Both our initials are CA so that alone makes us cool, but just sitting and talking together 1 on 1 was a night I won't soon forget. Of course the cancer part was discussed, but I loved reminiscing about silly stories we knew or didn't know. About us as kids and now as adults, which is crazy cause I can remember when she was born. It doesn't really feel like we're 13 years apart, or is that me just wanting to be younger ha ha ha But our ages are compatible and we plan to have some fun and soon.
We had an amazing and inspirational Grandma, and tonight Claire got one of the most beautiful coats Grandma used to wear. It even has Grandmas initials sewn inside (MA). It looked gorgeous on Claire and I'm so happy she has a piece of grandma not only in her heart, but on her back too! Mom kept it her closet ready to pass it along as it's always been meant for Claire and now they're together. It's a family treasure so maybe one day she'll pass it down to her future daughter.
Hyperbaric Tuesday with a volunteer driver. Maybe he'll want to take a selfie with me to celebrate the 2 day countdown. I just realized day 1 is Wednesday or should I call that day zero, oh whatever, you know what I mean!
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
So far my 5 day countdown has been pretty special in small ways and big ways. Small things like me catching up on some sleep and big things like visits from all sorts of cousins. I say all sorts because I have blood cousins and then I have the Boxing Day cousins. Either way they're all my cousins since we've all been together since birth.
Didn't think I could top off yesterday's big day of golf and a fun family dinner but today was another great day. It started off harsh physically as my body and I were fighting, just not feeling 100%. To take my mind off that, I completed my scrapbook and re-read all the cards sent to me these last 9 months. It was so touching to hear all your voices in each and every card. I've saved them all wrapped in a purple ribbon. I love cards be it on the receiving end or sending and think it's a lost art. I do what I can to keep it alive !
I still wasn't feeling so great so had a nap or as I call it "close my eyes and make it all better" then up & showered for a visit & tea with my cousin Claire.
Both our initials are CA so that alone makes us cool, but just sitting and talking together 1 on 1 was a night I won't soon forget. Of course the cancer part was discussed, but I loved reminiscing about silly stories we knew or didn't know. About us as kids and now as adults, which is crazy cause I can remember when she was born. It doesn't really feel like we're 13 years apart, or is that me just wanting to be younger ha ha ha But our ages are compatible and we plan to have some fun and soon.
We had an amazing and inspirational Grandma, and tonight Claire got one of the most beautiful coats Grandma used to wear. It even has Grandmas initials sewn inside (MA). It looked gorgeous on Claire and I'm so happy she has a piece of grandma not only in her heart, but on her back too! Mom kept it her closet ready to pass it along as it's always been meant for Claire and now they're together. It's a family treasure so maybe one day she'll pass it down to her future daughter.
Hyperbaric Tuesday with a volunteer driver. Maybe he'll want to take a selfie with me to celebrate the 2 day countdown. I just realized day 1 is Wednesday or should I call that day zero, oh whatever, you know what I mean!
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
Sunday, March 8, 2015
4 days...
4 days until I find out if I'm cancer free! If you look at my recent pictures in the slideshow, you'll see me and 4 fingers. Tomorrow I'll do a pic of me and 3. Stay tuned for what that'll be!
Today was a lovely day. I had the Thomson/Gunther crew come over and we had a lovely visit over snacks, golf and good conversation. It was my first time meeting Layla Thomson who's 7 months old. She was born during my treatment when I was weak and couldn't visit her.
At the age of 2 months she was diagnosed with a hole in her heart. Her and I are 39 years apart (both August babies) but we've had a tough go of late. Layla had heart surgery last week and is now home and will be just fine. She is my inspiration, my way of keeping hope. Totally different circumstances but inspiration comes in many ways, shapes and sizes.
Jayson, Maria and the kids came for dinner tonight as we haven't all been together since before Christmas. They were in Detroit visiting Maria's family over the holidays and when they came home, I was in the hospital with my infection. It's also Maria's birthday tomorrow so just another reason to get together. I took cute selfies with all 4 kids and you can see them in my picture slideshow.
Since their grandparents live in Detroit and Johannesburg, mom and dad sub in and the kids call my folks granny Marj and grandpa Grant. Those kids have so much love for them near and far. Like I said before when Jay moved here from Johannesburg he became like a brother to me and Shane and son to my folks. Yes we're cousins but really it's more than that. I love seeing my folks have fun with the kids since I'll never give them a grandchild and Shane seems no where near the kid stage himself but ya never know....no pressure Shane!
The kids know I have cancer and today Holden asked me where exactly my cancer was. He's such a sweet and concerned cool dude. Taylor being 12 tried to shush him cause she knows where but he asked and I answered. He sweetly told me he was learning about the human body so I told him my cancer was in my "girl parts". He said Oh..ok and moved on to ask me for some water. Didn't faze him one bit, or if it did he didn't show it. After a sip of water he asked if I'd be ok..that was a lot harder to answer since I don't know for sure. Told him I hoped so and will know soon. Somehow Winnie came up and he was a bit grossed out so I ended the conversation. Who wants some watermelon?
I'm off from hyperbaric tomorrow as they're doing maintenance so will do some errands getting set for another week of treatment and of course Wednesdays results.
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
Today was a lovely day. I had the Thomson/Gunther crew come over and we had a lovely visit over snacks, golf and good conversation. It was my first time meeting Layla Thomson who's 7 months old. She was born during my treatment when I was weak and couldn't visit her.
At the age of 2 months she was diagnosed with a hole in her heart. Her and I are 39 years apart (both August babies) but we've had a tough go of late. Layla had heart surgery last week and is now home and will be just fine. She is my inspiration, my way of keeping hope. Totally different circumstances but inspiration comes in many ways, shapes and sizes.
Jayson, Maria and the kids came for dinner tonight as we haven't all been together since before Christmas. They were in Detroit visiting Maria's family over the holidays and when they came home, I was in the hospital with my infection. It's also Maria's birthday tomorrow so just another reason to get together. I took cute selfies with all 4 kids and you can see them in my picture slideshow.
Since their grandparents live in Detroit and Johannesburg, mom and dad sub in and the kids call my folks granny Marj and grandpa Grant. Those kids have so much love for them near and far. Like I said before when Jay moved here from Johannesburg he became like a brother to me and Shane and son to my folks. Yes we're cousins but really it's more than that. I love seeing my folks have fun with the kids since I'll never give them a grandchild and Shane seems no where near the kid stage himself but ya never know....no pressure Shane!
The kids know I have cancer and today Holden asked me where exactly my cancer was. He's such a sweet and concerned cool dude. Taylor being 12 tried to shush him cause she knows where but he asked and I answered. He sweetly told me he was learning about the human body so I told him my cancer was in my "girl parts". He said Oh..ok and moved on to ask me for some water. Didn't faze him one bit, or if it did he didn't show it. After a sip of water he asked if I'd be ok..that was a lot harder to answer since I don't know for sure. Told him I hoped so and will know soon. Somehow Winnie came up and he was a bit grossed out so I ended the conversation. Who wants some watermelon?
I'm off from hyperbaric tomorrow as they're doing maintenance so will do some errands getting set for another week of treatment and of course Wednesdays results.
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Countdown
Seems in life there's always some sort of countdown. 9 months until we're born, our 1st birthday, first day of school, graduation, becoming of legal age and so on. Through my journey I've had lots of countdowns, first surgery, chemo and radiation and now waiting to hear if I'm cancer free. I made it through all the past countdowns so this will be no different. I just hope I don't want to rewind and start counting backwards!
Every day I have new thoughts or feelings about my cancer journey and today I told myself that I'll accept whatever news I receive next Wednesday. With this news I'll set some new countdowns. For example, I'd love to go see Jimmy (I just call him Jimmy cause in my mind were BFFS) and I'd like to learn how to golf. How great will it be to say "5 day countdown till I see Jimmy" or "3 days till I play my first 18 holes!" I enjoyed my chemo/radiation countdown but obviously didn't enjoy the actual chemo, however the silly pics and games brought forth humour and smiles which is the best medicine.
I'm finding late night is a peaceful uninterrupted time to write. No phone calls, no emails and pure silence, minus the frog I've named Bubba who lives somewhere outside my bedroom window. One of these days I'm gonna put a frog face to this Bubba! We might have a relocation project on the horizon! I lay in bed typing and when I'm done I feel relieved and ready to sleep & awake to another countdown.
I challenge you to do some sort of countdown, be it silly or serious. Maybe it's a dinner date with an old friend or when you'll see your hair dresser...anything. "6 days till I see Susie". Take a pic of 6 fingers & you smiling. It's kinda fun & who doesn't like to smile. Get creative each day. If you do do something feel free to tag me with my hashtag #carly2conquercancer
I know you read these blogs but I'm not getting many comments. I love hearing from you be in on my blog or any other form of contact. Right now the more I hear from you, the less I hear of myself or Bubba!
Here's tonight's quote I tweeted:
"Don't compare your chapter 1 to someone else's chapter 20" - Unknown.
"5 day countdown till I hear my cancer fate!"
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
Every day I have new thoughts or feelings about my cancer journey and today I told myself that I'll accept whatever news I receive next Wednesday. With this news I'll set some new countdowns. For example, I'd love to go see Jimmy (I just call him Jimmy cause in my mind were BFFS) and I'd like to learn how to golf. How great will it be to say "5 day countdown till I see Jimmy" or "3 days till I play my first 18 holes!" I enjoyed my chemo/radiation countdown but obviously didn't enjoy the actual chemo, however the silly pics and games brought forth humour and smiles which is the best medicine.
I'm finding late night is a peaceful uninterrupted time to write. No phone calls, no emails and pure silence, minus the frog I've named Bubba who lives somewhere outside my bedroom window. One of these days I'm gonna put a frog face to this Bubba! We might have a relocation project on the horizon! I lay in bed typing and when I'm done I feel relieved and ready to sleep & awake to another countdown.
I challenge you to do some sort of countdown, be it silly or serious. Maybe it's a dinner date with an old friend or when you'll see your hair dresser...anything. "6 days till I see Susie". Take a pic of 6 fingers & you smiling. It's kinda fun & who doesn't like to smile. Get creative each day. If you do do something feel free to tag me with my hashtag #carly2conquercancer
I know you read these blogs but I'm not getting many comments. I love hearing from you be in on my blog or any other form of contact. Right now the more I hear from you, the less I hear of myself or Bubba!
Here's tonight's quote I tweeted:
"Don't compare your chapter 1 to someone else's chapter 20" - Unknown.
"5 day countdown till I hear my cancer fate!"
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
Friday, March 6, 2015
Left
It's only been 24 hours since my scan and I can't seem to clear my mind. I think it's very normal to have this mega news linger about but I kinda want it to go away! I'm doing just about anything I can to occupy my thoughts be it trying to beat Judy Gorman in words with friends, hanging out with Jimmy Fallon (via PVR obviously) to training Simba on his cat door to the point the poor guy either thinks I'm nuts or that I think he needs to pee a lot. If I had my way I'd head to Seattle Friday to Sunday but you can't pay for hotel and fun with Monopoly money! Would be a good hoorah before the news but just can't afford it.
No Seattle so instead it's time to be creative with limited re$ource$. Driving range it is, got to improve my game and any frustrations can be taken out on the ball. I also have loads of scrapbooking to do. I've kept every card, hospital bracelet, movie stubs etc that relate to my cancer journey and they need to be chronicled. My goal is to have the book up to date by Tuesday night. I might have to be admitted for hand cramps and glue injuries when it's complete!
Yet again I'm up way too late and it might be a result of deciding to stop taking sleeping aids. I've been taking one every night since diagnosis and don't think they help too much anyway. I can sleep way better after a bottle of wine than 1 silly pill! Relax...I haven't been doing that every night (hiccup) kidding...I'm kidding!
I think I write this blog late at night pretending it's a person. I sleep on the right side of my bed and my iPad on the left side. It's either blog or get comfort from my cat, although both seem depressing! Romeo Romeo Romeo where for art thou Romeo? Actually I'll pass on Romeo cause he's kinda weak, I'll take a Will Ferrell or Jimmy Fallon kinda guy any day. Maybe a comedy club night is in my future!
Feeling my eyes getting heavy plus it's pitch dark in here and Simba is snuggling in for the night... On the left side of course!
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
No Seattle so instead it's time to be creative with limited re$ource$. Driving range it is, got to improve my game and any frustrations can be taken out on the ball. I also have loads of scrapbooking to do. I've kept every card, hospital bracelet, movie stubs etc that relate to my cancer journey and they need to be chronicled. My goal is to have the book up to date by Tuesday night. I might have to be admitted for hand cramps and glue injuries when it's complete!
Yet again I'm up way too late and it might be a result of deciding to stop taking sleeping aids. I've been taking one every night since diagnosis and don't think they help too much anyway. I can sleep way better after a bottle of wine than 1 silly pill! Relax...I haven't been doing that every night (hiccup) kidding...I'm kidding!
I think I write this blog late at night pretending it's a person. I sleep on the right side of my bed and my iPad on the left side. It's either blog or get comfort from my cat, although both seem depressing! Romeo Romeo Romeo where for art thou Romeo? Actually I'll pass on Romeo cause he's kinda weak, I'll take a Will Ferrell or Jimmy Fallon kinda guy any day. Maybe a comedy club night is in my future!
Feeling my eyes getting heavy plus it's pitch dark in here and Simba is snuggling in for the night... On the left side of course!
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
PET
When I was first diagnosed loads of tests and scans were ordered and quickly. In between naps I'd return calls setting appointments one after the other. One voice mail said they were calling to set up a pet scan. I ignored the message and assumed she dialled a wrong number or thought my pet was in need of a scan. A few days later I had another call regarding the same pet scan. She asked me why I hadn't returned her call as it was important we set a date. I told her it was me who was sick and not my cat. She laughed and explained that a PET scan was short for Positron Emission Tomography. Why didn't she just say so in the first place!
Today was my 3rd PET scan and when I was admitted I remembered that call, my first time laying in the chair, the first IV and being told I'd be radioactive after so not to go through any detectors nor get close to pregnant ladies. After todays scan I was in contact with a pregnant nurse and told her to not get too close. I was radioactive, mam please be careful it's my duty to tell you this! She thanked me and another nurse assisted me instead.
I asked the technician some questions about how the scan appears on their screens and she advised I can see it....but on CD and via mail in about 1 weeks time. I'll know my results by then but think it'll be cool to see the imaging of organs and cells be it normal or abnormal function. I'll literally be able to tell people they can get to know me inside and out! LOL
Back to hyperbaric tomorrow and the weekend is soon approaching. Like I said previously I'm trying to stay pretty chill staying close to home. Sunday Jayson and his clan come over to mom and dads for dinner as we all haven't been together for a while. It'll be busy with 4 kids no doubt wanting to play with me cause I'm an awesome auntie. I like the game hide and seek or let's time how quiet you can be, winner gets a candy! It'll be nice to catch up and also help distract me from thinking about Wednesdays results reveal.
Last night I put on sparkly nail polish to help me feel glamorous today but it's got to be off for tomorrow's session. A short treat but guess I better stop typing and take it off. I'm due to finish hyperbaric on the 17th so you know I'll be blinging my nails out soon thereafter.
Hope this blog finds you well & thanks for all your messages of support. It means a lot and helped me so much today that my battery was gone by 4pm!
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
M's
You're never too old to need your mom and after 25 days my amazing mother is back. It's been a tough 25 days without her, but she got some well deserved rest and a tan. Since my July diagnosis we're together all the time. I learned a lot of new stuff about her and I'm sure she has of me. Mom knows I have an addiction to bedding, correction, had an addiction. I used to buy bedding instead of washing it and loved changing my colour themes. Of course I've got curtains to match 'em all too! Maybe I'll go rouge this week.
I'll never be a mother and feel a daughters bond, but hope to be very involved with my nieces. Perhaps I'll meet someone who has a daughter that I can mentor in some way or volunteer with Big Sisters. The serious me kind of feels sorry for myself but then the cool me likes the idea of being a fabulous aunt and then saying goodbye, returning to a child free home. Kids don't make you, you make yourself....so I think I'll be just fine overall but I'm sure I would have been a great mother. There is a Great Dane waiting for me in the next couple years who's name will be Moufasa (keeping in with my lion king theme) no doubt to be spoiled by me and I'll train him to say mommy. That'll give me my mommy fix!
My grandma, Marlyn "Marnie" Allen, has been in my thoughts lately. She had a tough life but she plugged along every day. She lived for her children and grand children and taught me so many lessons of what a strong willed woman can do. She lived with us until I was 7 or 8, and every week we'd watch The Lawrence Welk Show in her cool reclining bed. She didn't seem to mind my playing with the buttons, legs up, legs down, and repeat with the back. She'd tell me childhood stories of my dad and uncle and how my parents met. I just lay there and listen.
Her MS worsened but her heart loved us all no matter how much her frail body ached. She had beautiful crochet slippers and when she passed I kept a red pair to remember her by. I've also got her bible and should bring it out and place on my bedside table. I've worn the red slippers in hospital and at home hoping she's looking down on me and sending strength my way. I regret not having a daughter only for the fact that I would have named her Marnie. I think I'll get a female Great Dane, passing on Moufasa and name her Marnie instead.
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
I'll never be a mother and feel a daughters bond, but hope to be very involved with my nieces. Perhaps I'll meet someone who has a daughter that I can mentor in some way or volunteer with Big Sisters. The serious me kind of feels sorry for myself but then the cool me likes the idea of being a fabulous aunt and then saying goodbye, returning to a child free home. Kids don't make you, you make yourself....so I think I'll be just fine overall but I'm sure I would have been a great mother. There is a Great Dane waiting for me in the next couple years who's name will be Moufasa (keeping in with my lion king theme) no doubt to be spoiled by me and I'll train him to say mommy. That'll give me my mommy fix!
My grandma, Marlyn "Marnie" Allen, has been in my thoughts lately. She had a tough life but she plugged along every day. She lived for her children and grand children and taught me so many lessons of what a strong willed woman can do. She lived with us until I was 7 or 8, and every week we'd watch The Lawrence Welk Show in her cool reclining bed. She didn't seem to mind my playing with the buttons, legs up, legs down, and repeat with the back. She'd tell me childhood stories of my dad and uncle and how my parents met. I just lay there and listen.
Her MS worsened but her heart loved us all no matter how much her frail body ached. She had beautiful crochet slippers and when she passed I kept a red pair to remember her by. I've also got her bible and should bring it out and place on my bedside table. I've worn the red slippers in hospital and at home hoping she's looking down on me and sending strength my way. I regret not having a daughter only for the fact that I would have named her Marnie. I think I'll get a female Great Dane, passing on Moufasa and name her Marnie instead.
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
Sunday, March 1, 2015
Week-ness
The big week is here and the week-ness has begun. To be perfectly honest I've been feeling scared of this week for quite some time but have been occupying myself with friends and activities.
I had an amazing week with Amber and Shauna who were so kind to fly in from Calgary to visit me. I saw two movies in theatre, had some lovely dinners, strolled along the beach, chilled out on the couch and even hit some golf balls discovering that with work I could become a decent golfer. 2 great friends who helped distract from my week-ness.
This Wednesday is my PET scan. I've under gone this scan twice before so know what to expect, but the scan represents reality telling me yay or nay to being cancer free. Results to be heard with my doctor on the 11th and obviously hoping for the best. Pending the results, more information will follow on the debut of Winnie. I joke it'll be "The Adventures of Carly and Winnie" .....how will our first date go or our first swim! I feel some good comedy coming from this new relationship. #colostomy
My week-ness needs to go away. I'm no longer taking any medications as cancer treatment is done, but I still have some anxiety medication on hand. I'm feeling quite anxious so have decided it'll be wise to take some pills to help me cope with this week-ness. I can only be so strong and anything I can do to help me stay strong needs to happen. I just fibbed....I do take medication but it's hormones since I'm now in early menopause, however with these meds I feel no hot flashes or discomfort. Thank goodness for me and for you too!!! Ask me to tell you the joke of my brother calling me the perfect girlfriend..it's a little racy to be on here, but it's hilarious.
I need to stick to my routine this week for some stability meaning hyperbaric treatment then straight home, but welcome any visitors thereafter. Mom and dad and Auntie Shelly and Gord are all back as of Monday afternoon, so the neighbourhood will be alive with laughter. There is wine to choose from or I have accumulated a large selection of lovely teas and cute tea cups to serve it in. Never doubt my presentation at a tea party!
Near or far, I thank you for your support. Thinking about how much love is out there for me really warms my heart. A year ago I hardly hugged or said I love you to people and now I hug...still working on the love you part...but I have replied "love you too" a few times of late. It's so much easier to write it and I'm saying it via the internet so it'll never disappear, I'm all about the permanent.
Love y'all!
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
I had an amazing week with Amber and Shauna who were so kind to fly in from Calgary to visit me. I saw two movies in theatre, had some lovely dinners, strolled along the beach, chilled out on the couch and even hit some golf balls discovering that with work I could become a decent golfer. 2 great friends who helped distract from my week-ness.
This Wednesday is my PET scan. I've under gone this scan twice before so know what to expect, but the scan represents reality telling me yay or nay to being cancer free. Results to be heard with my doctor on the 11th and obviously hoping for the best. Pending the results, more information will follow on the debut of Winnie. I joke it'll be "The Adventures of Carly and Winnie" .....how will our first date go or our first swim! I feel some good comedy coming from this new relationship. #colostomy
My week-ness needs to go away. I'm no longer taking any medications as cancer treatment is done, but I still have some anxiety medication on hand. I'm feeling quite anxious so have decided it'll be wise to take some pills to help me cope with this week-ness. I can only be so strong and anything I can do to help me stay strong needs to happen. I just fibbed....I do take medication but it's hormones since I'm now in early menopause, however with these meds I feel no hot flashes or discomfort. Thank goodness for me and for you too!!! Ask me to tell you the joke of my brother calling me the perfect girlfriend..it's a little racy to be on here, but it's hilarious.
I need to stick to my routine this week for some stability meaning hyperbaric treatment then straight home, but welcome any visitors thereafter. Mom and dad and Auntie Shelly and Gord are all back as of Monday afternoon, so the neighbourhood will be alive with laughter. There is wine to choose from or I have accumulated a large selection of lovely teas and cute tea cups to serve it in. Never doubt my presentation at a tea party!
Near or far, I thank you for your support. Thinking about how much love is out there for me really warms my heart. A year ago I hardly hugged or said I love you to people and now I hug...still working on the love you part...but I have replied "love you too" a few times of late. It's so much easier to write it and I'm saying it via the internet so it'll never disappear, I'm all about the permanent.
Love y'all!
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
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