Ahhhhhhh!

Ahhhhhhhhh!  Yup, you read that right say it with me Ahhhhhhhh!  Tomorrow is surgery day, holy guacamole batman! 💥 Not too long ago I was talking about time and here we are. The morning before, the last blog sans Winnie, my last day going #2 like most everyone else! 

It's been a challenging couple weeks to say the least. I'm very much a planner and need a timeline to give me some sort of structure. Having to wait to meet the ostomy nurse and anesthesia doctor was super hard for me, as all I had was basic information and whatever I had researched. I did find some amazing people to chat with in my community and via Instagram who've been through similar experiences. It's going to be great to have them to chat with through the ups and downs of colostomy life....life as on ostimate they say. 

My ostomy nurse was FANTASTIC!  I'd heard of her through a fellow ostimate who had her last year when she had her colostomy. The way she described everything from my hysterectomy to my stoma was super informative. I got to touch a fake yet life-like stoma, see a typical bag, picture charts outlining my changes and of course was marked as to where Winnie will be. I left feeling at peace and empowered whereas 2 days ago I called a friend around 930pm crying uncontrollably needing her to come over. 

My biggest fear has always been my reconstruction and can ya blame me 😳. I've met with my oncologist, my plastic surgeon and now the anesthesia doctor and he put it best out of them all. VGH does gender reassignment surgeries so if they can successfully help those patients, they can successfully help me. What a frickin genius thing to say!  Why has nobody else said such a statement to me?  How did I not think of this?  It was just on Greys Anatomy last week but to be honest, I stopped watching the episode as it was just a little too close to home!  I was also told by this amazing man that I'd have an epidural line for a couple days to help with post surgery pain. As much as I feared the epidural in the past it'll now be my BFF!

With these empowered moments my fear hasn't just floated out in to space. I KNOW I've got a long hard road ahead but I'm so excited to have this agonizing pain go away. I can't sit, walk, stand, move really, for long periods of time. At least my new pain will get better instead of worse. Bye bye tumour, it's been awful making your acquaintance twice now. Peace out!

I'll find out this afternoon as to what time I'll be admitted tomorrow but I'm certain it's early.  Since it's a long surgery of 6-8 hours I'd be shocked if I was admitted mid day. My family and I are so very thankful of all your love and support but in saying that at times it's overwhelming. I've set up 3 ways for you to follow my progress at your leisure with this blog, Facebook and Instagram. I have delegated people to post on my behalf until I'm back to the land of coherence. I'll be staying in recovery for a minimum 24 hours so my parents are the only ones who can see me and that visit short of like 10 mins. Once visitors other than immediate family are allowed and I'm comfortable in my room a post will follow. Please try to come in small numbers and possibly limit bringing children until such a point it won't be traumatic for them. I want to stay the cool auntie not the "OMG mom is she dying?" auntie. I do want you to visit please know that. I just want to remember seeing you. I want to be in a good space to show you the new me. My Winnie. 

Ahhhhhhh it's all so real. One sleep away.  Don't worry Winnie we'll take care of each other in more ways than one, I've already got you some snazzy briefs!  See everyone on the other side, love y'all. 

XOXO

C

#carly2conquercancer

#WinnieThePouch