There is no answer for my question "Why me?" But as I lay in bed late at night with ice packs on both my legs crying alone, I sure as hell wish I knew why. I hope so much that this ugly path takes me somewhere beautiful I never thought I'd go.
Today was actually a really great day. I had my pain under control from what I believe was a bit of walking and hours of ice. Funny thing is my legs are so hot and tingly I couldn't feel the cold. Neurology came to evaluate me and when I removed the ice packs from my legs my skin was pink. Reminded me of being a silly kid jumping in snow with shorts on but I ran back in that time, I felt the cold. This time I only felt the cold when I put my hand on my leg.
She evaluated me with numerous tasks of following fingers, bending my toes, strength test and some were even with my eyes closed. But I'm awesome and passed all. When she made her way to my hips I lost the awesomeness as whatever point of my hip she pressed gave me a shock of pain and tears. She didn't seem to have any real idea about my pain and thinks perhaps another MRI but this time with dye which should show any nerve issues. She also mentioned that she saw fluid on both my hips on my CT scan. Now I'm no doctor but I see a common theme here, we just need to confirm and pin point the exact area of my hips I guess? Seems that her eyes saw something else on my CT as I was previously told all was clear.
So back to my good day. This morning I went to be evaluated at the hyperbaric chamber clinic. Seems I qualify for this treatment which will help heal my wounds ie:infection area from taking out big kahuna. I will undergo 40 sessions lasting 2.5 hrs each. I'll sit in a very upright chair and wear a bubble like mask or helmet. The oxygen will fill in the chamber and I'll feel nothing. Knowing me I'll sleep through it or talk with the other patients beside me as it holds 4-5 people. Maybe I'll make a friend? They have a web site with pictures so check it out. When I have my orientation I'll be sure to post pics to give you a more clear picture. It's not like a tanning bed, me all in white laying down like Snow White waiting for a kiss to wake me although that wouldn't be half bad would it
LOL
I thought I'd have no visitors today but at 330 that all changed. I had 3 BFFS in my room and boy did we laugh. Telling the stories on here might not make sense to you but I laughed so hard I needed some more meds as the laughter didn't fare my wounds well but oh so worth it!
Not long after the ladies left my uncle B, cousin Q and dad were in my room. We talked about all my crap then my dad told some story as he always does. It was great to have them in the room. My family is really being tested by my illness and I'm so proud of how each person is supporting me and coping. Couldn't ask for more. Not 30 min later Steph & her dog buddy came to visit. Buddy is the 3rd "therapy" dog to have visited me thus far. We watched the game and soon Steph and Buddy were on their way home.
Home...key word. Right now VGH is my home and I can't complain one bit as every nurse and doctor have treated me amazing, but when all the visitors are gone and the lights are off & it's time go to sleep I look around and it's not my home. I struggle with this every night and tonight I had to blog to settle me down. I shouldn't even be awake as i took a sleeping aid 1 hour ago but here I am.
Time to snuggle my robe and get some rest. The doctors come calling at 7am and I do not like such an early wake up call. I usually sleep a few hours more after they're done seeing me. When I wake up my breakfast sits on my table cold as nobody wants to wake me when it comes. Smart choice I say.
I leave you with a quote I shared in an earlier blog, "Scars are like tattoos but with a deeper story". Goodnight!
XOXO
#carly2conquercancer
C
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