I remember drawing rainbows as a child. All the coloured markers laying on the table and some of them even had scents. Red was strawberry, yellow smelt like lemons. A rainbow was uplifting and beautiful, sometimes even a pot of gold found at the bottom of my drawing. Seeing a rainbow after a light rain shower mixed with sunshine is a pretty cool thing. I’ve tried to chase a rainbow many times.
I think of rainbows completely different now. Each coloured stripe represents a different emotion and feeling for me. Red is often times anger or frustration, the middle colours more peaceful, and the blues a sign of peace or an ending. 🌈. Life’s racetrack in colour...stop, easy, start, stay...often on repeat.
I’m in the hues of yellow right now. After my hernia repair in December 2019 I’ve been dealing with reoccurring seromas. A seroma is a fluid collection that the body hasn’t naturally reabsorbed post surgery. Big factors for why this was happening is no doubt having had pelvic radiation and pelvic exenteration surgery. Fluid in the belly is debilitating pain and mine resembled a pregnancy.
Since November 2020 I’ve had 2 minor draining surgeries and 2 tubal draining procedures. Add these all together and I’ve had over 6L drained, probably closer to 7 but I’ve kinda stopped adding it all up. Think of a milk jug or large wine bottle to put that in to perspective, it’s a ton of fluid, the draining gives instant relief. My recent experience involved 10 days of a drain connected to me to get what the hospital procedure couldn’t. A total of 850ml drained over the 10 days. I lugged the drain around hanging from my side, the container tucked in my leggings (well actually my undies). We went for a pedicure, checked out Homesense and grocery shopped. I didn’t care if people saw it and surprisingly my cat never went for it once.
It’s been about a week since it was taken out and overall I’m feeling good. Fingers crossed that over the next 2 months it stays away. I still have a couple hernias under my stoma to fix and this won’t happen until the seroma BS stops. Unfortunately my skin has taken a beating from all the surgeries and stretching. Crazy enough no stretch marks but the skin has definitely looked better. End goal is to have things tucked when hernias are repaired. One step at a time though.
This past March I lost a dear friend. She was actually my first ostomy & cancer pal. We had messaged a bit before my 2018 surgery as she was a few months ahead of me in her recovery. I was 2 days post surgery when Joanne showed up in my hospital room cookies in hand. She found an extremely medicated Carly with my mom visiting, both of us in shock of this bright light that exited my room as quickly as she entered. She lived up the road from me so that helped us become even closer. Unfortunately her cancer came back and she’s now passed on. I miss her dearly and tear up every time I speak of her. Her passing has really affected me. I’m crying right now if I’m being honest.
When I look at or draw my next rainbow, I’ll be thinking of Joanne. She was a ray of light. Correction, she was the pot of gold. I continue to advocate for cancer & ostomy life not just for my own sanity, but also to be someone’s pot of gold like Joanne was for me.
XOXO
C
#carly2conquercancer
#ostomyproud
