Lots has happened since my last entry. Dawn was kind enough to update post hernia repair and I’ve been updating my Instagram Ostomate and the City on the regular but haven’t written. I miss writing but find my Instagram so much easier for quick updates. Here we go!
My repair wasn’t anything like I expected it to be. I remember meeting with my surgeon many months ago thinking I could convince him to repair all my hernias at the same time. Thank goodness he shrugged off my pitch and is the brains and only did the one. With the pulling of stomach lining and mesh used, I can’t imagine having my entire stomach under siege. I’ve had a couple visits to the ER for pain. I was barrelled over in complete agony and felt a hard mass similar to what was there prior to surgery. I knew it couldn’t be another big hernia that soon post repair and after Xrays and CT scans found out it’s what's called a seroma.
A seroma is fluid build up that the body usually reabsorbs. I don’t have an infection which is good but the fluid is staying so I feel that hardness. Good news is that the CT scan shows the repair is working. I’m to continue avoiding lifting and excessive movement. In a few months it should be healed and at that time, the repair of the remaining hernias under my stoma will be decided. I’ll have to go through this again but it’ll be different since under my ostomy. This likely means my stoma will change and a new routine will have to come about. My current stoma is very flat/inward so I’m hoping I’ll hit the ostomy lotto and end up with a longer outtie. Much more manageable and a bonus in ostomy life.
My family and friends continue to be amazing supporters. From texts, emails, hospital or home visits and even taking out my recycling. I can’t risk doing some of these heavier tasks and have my repair fail, that’s the last thing I need. I spend most of my time at home as it’s my comfort zone. I’d rather be in my loungewear comfortably cooking than struggling with sitting or standing while out. I push myself socially every few weeks as it’s easy to fall in to old habits. Those habits for me were anxiety driven. The more I stay in the more I don’t want to go out. So when I do go out, I feel that anxiety coming back. Will I be a burden to others...will I have to leave early? It’s easy for me to think I’ll just get over it but I won’t. Time is the only thing that makes things better and need to remind myself of that often. And when I do get out, not to feel guilty about it. I’ve struggled with guilt and how people perceive me this whole journey. Big picture I don’t care but little picture I do. Invisible struggles are clearer to me than ever before.
The last few months I found myself watching Simba closely. He was 18 and slim, too slim, but age and an overactive thyroid brought that on. He was still playful, eating and using the litter box so until he showed distress we forged on. 3 weeks ago on what was Vancouver’s snowiest stormiest night Simba showed distress. I think he had a stroke as suddenly he couldn’t hold his head up right. He was laying down but not making a sound. Simba was a talker so that alone worried me. Shane, otherwise known as Super Bro, came to get us. He’s got the vehicle and tires for driving in the snow and I don’t. We had to drive 45 min to the closest veterinarian open in the evening and in this weather. I held Simba as he fell asleep for the last time and said goodbye to my purrfect friend of 18 years. Even Super Bro struggled with the goodbye but it was great that it happened quickly and we were together. RIP Sim.
Being home alone wasn’t easy. I found myself staring at the cat beds, toys, anything I had...it was very hard. I knew I wanted a girl for my next cat naming her after my grans. The local pet store had rescues but all males so thought I was safe to volunteer some affection. I also had an idea of what I wanted her to look like. Long story short I go in to give love to some cats waiting for their forever homes and out she walks from the bottom kennel. A spunky gentle 4 month old tuxedo kitty. She had me at meow, we just clicked. My application was approved the next day which was a lot quicker than I expected. The carrier I used for Simba was still in Shane’s car so I had to borrow one from my neighbour. This cat holds the name I would have given a daughter. Marnie Monica. She’s beautiful and loves her jewelry (2 collars already). I’m super happy with her.
Today was World Cancer day. I wrote a quick post on Instagram earlier and it got me to thinking. I’m 12 days away from being cancer free for 2 years, with that 2 years of ostomy life. I’ve changed so much these past 2 years with the obvious physical changes but more so with passion and drive for ostomy awareness. I was so shocked to learn how little support there was and have made a commitment to doing anything I can to change that. Ostomate and the City has been well received and continues to grow just like I do.
I never made it to 3 years cancer free with my first diagnosis. I’ve come to tell myself that this second battle was my destiny. Being an ostomate is 1000% challenging at times but it also makes me feel more special. It’s my thing just like someone being a powerful business person or a parent. It’s my conversation piece with new people that I hold no shame about. I stand out for a reason and I’m ok with that. Next step is to hopefully work in an ostomy or medical role. Why not take all this and merry it with a new exciting career. Anyone hiring? Marnie and I will relocate within reason 😊
XOXO
C
#carly2conquercancer
#winniethepouch
