You hear that?

Have you ever taken the time to close your eyes and just listen?  It really is quite interesting to hear what you think you see, it often being a different result. This is my strategy for my scans be it CT, PET or like today an MRI. 

I'm not fond of going for scans and doubt other patients are either, but since my first scan in July of 2014 I told myself to escape. I'm already stressed with diagnosis and treatment so why stare at the machine, stress out in numerous ways and possibly get poor images?  I started to listen and stopped looking. Instead of hearing the annoying loud noises I make them something else, I imagine. 

Once my head hits the uncomfortable hospital pillow my eyes shut and my imagination switch is on. The rotating noise becomes African drums. The banging noises makes me invision a construction zone (with cute workers of course). The buzzing makes me see hundreds of birds flying in a crazy pattern in a blue sky. The noises change often and so does what I see. Today even brought forth a scene from the movie 'Alien' with Sigourney Weaver. The sound I was hearing made me think of evacuation alarms on her ship. 

Pending my results return in good form, I'll continue with monthly physical checkups and scans every 3 months. This got me to thinking. Why does cancer make me hear?  Why can't I close my eyes and see what I hear every day? 

Just imagine. Just listen. I will.  

#carly2conquercancer

C

Remember

It's been a while since I last wrote. There's no big story as to why but if I really think about it, it's because my life is coming back piece by piece. I no longer have daily updates about appointments or surgeries but instead find myself doing things that are "normal". 

The 11th marked my eighth month since being told I was cancer free, I've submitted my application for enrollment in school next fall and now have strength to get back in to the swing of life again.  The things or changes I'll have to cope with for the rest of my life are just becoming regular to me vs a set back. 

Coping is a crazy thing.  I learned how to cope with being told I had cancer, I learned how to cope with the pain treating it and now have a decent grasp on how to cope with the new me.  I now understand my new limits be it with travel, food or body strength. I still have bad days but know how to cope and move forward. I control my environments and have trained myself with routine.  Joint swelling and fatigue seem to be my biggest hurdles but I'll take those any day over everything else I've been through. 

I've had a few moments where I almost feel guilty for taking the day like any other. When you're sick you learn to appreciate life and all you want is to still live it.  I don't want to forget those feelings so have to do things to make me remember. As soon as I can volunteer I will (have to be 1 year cancer free) and if I get accepted to my schooling I'll be able to give back that way as well. I must and will have purpose from this. 

The program I've applied to is called 'Health Unit Coordinator' and is through Kwantlen Polytecnic University.  Short version is I'd be the clerical support for patients and doctors, being the face of the hospital or clinic where I'd work. The ladies at the Cancer Agency inspired me to enroll as they were truly amazing throughout my journey.  One day I asked them how they got to where they are and they pointed me in the right direction. Fingers crossed I get accepted!  I guess this means back to school clothing, cute binders and pens and pencils will be needed right?  LOL

My next MRI is scheduled for Nov 20th and like any scan, it's a big one. I'm not scared to go like I have been in the past, but with time can come relapse so just keeping the faith that another clear scan will come about. All I want & can think about is to continue to move forward with my aspirations and goals.

Funny how I never called life a journey before I was diagnosed and now it's the only way I look at it. I find myself a more patient and understanding human who just wants to live and have a good time throughout the beautiful journey.  May we all remember and may we all thrive. 

XOXO

#carly2conquercancer

C